I started reading “The Holographic Universe” today on a suggestion from my girlfriend, as well as some friends. I have reached only around pg 17 but so far what I have read has confirmed a lot of what I have learned (learning) from Desteni. The idea that the mind works by way of pictures. In a sense light (electrical impulses) beams that are moving in intricate waveform called a “interference pattern”, conjuring up holographic images inside my mind. This as far as I can tell is in the same realm as the mind consciousness systems. I remember thinking at the time of reading that, if only my friends could know what I know in that moment they would be able to fathom the message and not be so hung up on this idea of positive vibes. Later on a fellow skater friend back in Trinidad from Ontario after having hurt himself working came by. While we were liming (hanging out) in the gazebo I was watching the scene around me remembering to take breaths whenever I could feel my chest seize up. I realized that all my feelings of inadequacy, anger, and frustration with this whole positive vibes thing is in essence really only on me. My friends are waiting for me really, for me to become one with them and realize myself in the present. We are all on this path together and I am only hurting myself as them by getting frustrated by them. And blaming them for my own inadequacies. We are all at different stages in our process and even though they may not know specifically about the message of oneness and equality, or Desteni even. I was once where they are. The difference is that I have came to these conclusions alone essentially wherein I have to opportunity now to become a living example for myself and set an example for them as well here in the physical. By “thinking” that they are holding me back in anyway is foolish because it is I who is actually letting them down. It’s always in reverse as I’ve heard multiple times before.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to think of myself as a position of higher knowledge or wisdom to my peers. By doing this I have actually built up walls around myself telling myself on some level that I am better then something/someone else.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to accept the idea that I know something about holographic universes when I haven’t fully read the book, or really taken in the material and forming an opinion about incomplete information.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to think that I truly understand what a mind consciousness system is when obviously I don’t yet. I am just as trapped by myself as other people I am judge, perhaps even more so.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge others and not realizing in that moment that I am acting in separation.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to form pictures in my head about how the pictures in my head might look as a 3 dimensional electrical light interference grid.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that this grid could be me on some level not realizing that it is the pre-written program of the secret mind running a program made up of emotions, thoughts and feelings arising from my memories that are stored holographic-ally in that grid.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to forget to be breathe and getting lost in thought and not really paying attention to the moment here and now. Equal and one with it.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel emotions like frustration, anger, and inadequacy around my friends.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself for blaming my friends for these emotions and not realizing that it is really myself being reflected right back at me.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself for feeling like I need to set a example for my friends wherein I have lost the point of walking this process and learning about myself is a process for myself and the example would be a natural product of of the equality equation within myself were as “setting an example FOR them” is acting in motives of self-interest looking to fuel other certain parts of my own ego.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to think that I have gotten here by myself, when there has been ample support throughout my process from many different directions.
I commit myself to breathe and be in the present moment here and now.
I commit myself to stop the mind consciousness systems within me one step at a time, realizing that the pictures in my head are not I as oneness and equality of life in it’s entirety.
I commit myself to stop judging others by some preset standard of whether they know about desteni or not. Realizing that I am no greater or less then they and that all that I think that I know is really only a small fraction of what can be known.
I commit myself stop coming to conclusions about things before I get all the information. Thinking that I am made up of some kind of light, electrical synapses grid and mind consciousness systems.
I commit myself to become a living example of the equality of life equation beginning by walking the process for myself.
I commit myself to not allow myself to feel discouraged by the failures and feelings of letting others down as this only impedes my progress with myself.
I commit myself to make more time to write self forgiveness rather then leaving it until late in the evening when I am becoming sleepy and less alert and able to concentrate.
I commit myself to write my self forgiveness application on a daily basis as a expression of who I really am here now equal and one with life as this moment.