Expression vs sharing.

 So recently I have been coming up against a point of where I would like to say things to the people that are in my experience. Just casually talk about what is new with me. Where I am at. What I have discovered. This usually leads to disaster of some sort, well not a disaster but defiantly issues with maintaining the connections with people. Family, friends, strangers, really for the most part does not matter who the person is. It is quite funny because the only three people that I have actually met that I can open up to and not feel some sort of resistance from or some holding back on my part are essentially strangers that I have only been around a few times. It’s the strangest experience as I have been around them for such a short time but its like we have been friends for ages. There is no shame to open up about  troubles with how I am viewing myself. Talking about where we need to be going. What things could mean in my experiences and how to go about approaching a solution. Talking with others in my day to day experience can ranged from opinionated to just ignoring. Clearly this is not the point of what I am here to do at this point. I am trying to get across to people by sharing second hand information rather then sharing myself with people. Sharing other’s points are taking the personal aspect from what I am trying to say. It is saying that I am only capable of having a stance via a set of proxies. And while sharing information is fine it is just more random facts or fictions. Why try to get a point across by someone else’s words, when I can write my own and the people that are interested to hear and share perspectives from that standpoint will. Rather then looking to move something inside people with shocking or emotional content which should be left to the others that are more aware of the depth of understanding that is needed. I need to understand that this is about my own personal points of expression not anyone else’s. I should be able to keep it in context to that from this point onward. I know that in my past it has been something of a battle between what I thought others need to hear, what I thought that I am about, and what I thought Destonians need to see me as to accept me. This is a counter productive stance to my process. I need to stop revering those that have applied themselves for a longer time in their process’s as as I have come to realize this is fueling procrastination demons within myself, I have created and inferiority character and have let it rule for a long time. Within this character I have set up myself for failure as I speak to people in such a way that is of a sharing disposition and not a expression of myself that stands for life. A superiority character within a inferiority character. Bizarre! Why should I not be courageous in my relationships, why must I maintain relationships with those that would not maintain their relationship with the planet in equality?  I do not want to make it harder for myself or others, and at this point of uncertainty and self doubt still present, the best course of action to take would to be extremely frugal with what I am choosing to share with others and focusing more on expressing myself in a humble and honest way, learn as much as I can and develop myself in such a way that will allow me to communicate myself in a way that is best for all. Stop trying to change others and make them better it has not worked so far so why continue with a insane course of action and continuously getting disappointed and feeling insulted which really comes down to me failing myself. Desteni is a SELF realization tool, not a other person realization tool. This is a main point that needs to be understood and implemented. If I can learn to express myself as life as one with equality with all, fully, face to face without shying away and falling into fear of judgement then everything that I am attempting to share with people through facebook and other peoples view will come through in my expression. If there arises is a need to deceive then I am not being honest with myself as others, plain and simple. 

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