16. Many faces of fear.

I have come across a certain point within my observation of myself that I have been avoiding for some time now. I have noticed that within my experiences sharing on Facebook and my blog that I have chosen pictures of myself that are obscuring my face. It has come to my attention awhile ago that perhaps this is something of a manifestation of how I am choosing to share in general. I obscure myself from others as indirect way of saying that I am not fully expressing/presenting myself. I have been living in a state of fear of presenting myself to the world. Furthermore the pictures are embellished in some way. Some kind of ulteriorĀ object or point of focus within the picture. I’m realize that within that context I’m actually saying to myself that I am to fearful to present myself as myself, just and only. That I need to add distraction and deception to the pictures to fill in where I am lacking or not expressing. Under the guise of making the photo interesting and unique. Why am I do I feel this need to be unique within my presentation. Wanting to feel unique is wanting to be different or more then the rest. Separation. Just as my words tend to fixate and focus on the complex aspects first, to make things within myself seem unique and extravagant. Playing up myself in someway that goes beyond what is required but adds desperation and un-sustainability. I should just break down my expression to a simpler form let go of the need to embellish and just find a groove from which I can move forward from daily with little resistance.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel as if I need to obscure myself within pictures to hide the fact that I am hiding from myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not fully share myself and present myself if only for my own sense of clarity and commitment of expression.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to continuously see this point of fearing to present only what is required, and to ignore it hiding behind screens of deception and distraction.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to embellish my expression, as to hide the fact that I am covering up something with embellishment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel as if my situation is unique in such a way that allows for me to not walk my process in a committed way.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to conduct my process in a overly complex fashion in which creates friction within my mind. Actually food for demoralization and procrastination.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel desperate within writing my blogs. Not realizing that desperation to change is counter to actual change, wherein it is born out of self commitment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see that the simpler the presentation and expression the more directive I am within my commitment with myself, not hiding behind loopholes and smokescreens.

When and as I see myself wanting to hide behind complex ideas, deceptive images, or create ulterior personas of myself through word or picture. I stop and breathe.

I commit myself to present myself in a clear, upfront way. Free from artificial additions within my words or images.

I commit myself to keep my process within a context of what is that which is required. Cutting out the embellishment.

I commit myself to see why this embellishment equals a fear of equality in the sense in which shows that I am wanting to see myself apart and above others. Special.

I commit myself to learn and use a sustainable method of presenting and writing out my process. The simple and effective method that has been shown to me through example.

I commit myself to understand that while I may be a individual within my self expression and experience. My uniqueness is not a point of greater or lesser value to any being in terms of the value of life, which all is equal and one.

I commit myself to find a voice of self commitment within my expression and process in which I am not acting out of desperation.

I commit myself to take things in a 1+1=2 fashion which is sustainable and manageable daily.


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