18. Opening up.

So I would like to begin a few blogs about opening up to myself. I have noticed that I have this very consistent tendency to continuously fall. To continuously say one thing and do another. Some points in which I have committed to and see clearly as a point in which I cannot waver and some others that I have not been so successful. I noticed that in the past certain parts of my attention and focus where more prominent then they are now and the opposite with others. Today is 5 months of being without smoking pot, or drinking any alcohol. Yet in the past when I would smoke weed, I would watch endless documentaries about world issues. Now I hardly ever watch documentaries and am not getting so riled up about world issues. Well not to say that they are not important, but it seems as if my experience is focused smaller. Like on myself. I write more then I used to, but socialize less. I have noticed this split or plateau within my current situation where I stopped changing, I stopped at the weed and alcohol. Many points that need to be re-addressed and explored deeper. To begin though I would like to state to myself that I need to start again and realize that this change needs to be continuous until there is nothing less and to not stop. I notice that when I stop it hard to get going again. Easy to let it slide and slide until I do not know where to start and the past points are lost in a storm cloud of thoughts and experiences. I need to REALLY commit day after day, whenever possible and be self honest with these points that which I know where I am letting myself fall time and again.

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