28. Chopping down a forest, ply by ply.

So within this post I would like to address a point of guilt that exists within my experience within skateboarding. And a point of longing to justify this guilt with thoughts of a better way, and justifies the last point I wrote about in which the desire to progress is linked in. So I learned a few years ago that the industry of skateboarding is extremely wasteful. In fact it is a sport based mainly around destruction. One of the championed slogan’s within the skate world is “Skate and destroy” so we all know it. The materials used in skateboarding are worn down at a alarming rate. And in regards to grinding, any material or surface that is subjected to continuous skate use is eventually destroyed. Without getting into anymore detail into that, I would like to say that what I’m getting at is that by far the most wasteful materials and products used in skateboarding are the boards themselves and the shoes. I am at a loss of how many boards and shoes that have destroyed within my skateboarding experience but I would have to guess somewhere around 75-100 of each. And I am a skater that sits in the medium range of activity. What I can say is that I learned a little while ago that skateboarding recently (or not so recently) has taken over as the worlds leading cause of sugar maple deforestation. A tree that takes 60 years to mature is destroyed to create a toy designed for emotional gratification basically. When I learned this it changed my experience about how I perceived skateboarding. I felt guilty. I was part of this. What where we doing? I began to look at the industry of skateboarding and the companies with a eye of scrutiny. One major point that I realized is that no one really talks about that point of how much waste is created. It is just another accepted point of making profit through planned obsolescence. Yet there are companies that saw this and started to explore other options. Bamboo being by far the best step in the right direction, in which it is renewable, it grows much faster and is not killed in the harvesting process. And actually is a more prolific producer of oxygen then sugar maple, and it is stronger in tensile strength although it is less dense and lighter. Yet what I noticed within the industry is that anything that sits outside the standard quo is defamed and debunked as being inferior, basically ostracized and is unexplored. Although what has happened within the last half decade or so in which concerns about the frailty of skateboards has arisen in which the major companies have responded with many gimmicks like carbon fiber inlays and top or bottom sheets to the traditional maple ply construction at a higher cost. So within this understanding I started to look for ways that I could break into this industry and wanted to change it, to open peoples eyes and make them see what we as skaters as a whole where causing in the world. I even went so far as to link up with some skaters in Trinidad as to form a company that would take a different stance. What I was not realizing is that this was all to appease a sense of guilt and unwillingness to stop and change myself. I was contacting people within the industry to ensure my own continued enjoyment in skateboarding. Ignoring my own personal relationship within skating and what I accept and allow. Instead using ideas and ideologies to make it seem like I cared when in fact I was only making up reasons in which skateboarding was/is essential and required for me to be happy and needing to create a point of easing the guilt within myself to a point of acceptance. Using others disregard as a point of personal vendetta and blame. I did not and have not taken the steps to actually realize what is required to create the necessary platform for change within this point of transcendence. Which is to let go of the addiction of a energetic experience in which it provides. To first stop participating in it to see where in fact the point of separation truly lies in which to see the real placement of separation that skateboarding has instilled within myself. I will continue into the psychology of my skater mind in the next post.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel anger and disdain toward the industries of skateboarding and manufacturing and placing a point of blame in the people behind these industries.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see my own participation within and as a skateboarder using the resources as well as accepting there continued paradigms concerning quality and function.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing guilt to dictate my thoughts and actions within my experience within skateboarding and not addressing the emotional point of the relationship that I have within the act of skating.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to bypass this point of emotional addiction, in which I seek a point of self definition in being a person who truly cares because I WANT to change the system. Yet to do so through commercialism and not looking to change myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not recognize that wanting has always been a point of not wanting to stop the emotional gratification and that the actual point of making change for a starting point of what is best for all is secondary to the feeling that skating provides.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hope that others will see the concepts and facts about the skateboarding industry in the same light that I was and from that point want to join me in this crusade.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place trust in others when they have said that they agree and want to make change as well not seeing that this has primarily been of a point of profit and self definition in which I and we were/are only looking for money or fame/recognition.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel disappointment when there has been points of dissonance or rejection of this ideology, in which the point of my self defined arena for changing the industry is not recognized or adhered to, not seeing that this is a point of fear based out of loss of self definition due to loss of control of the ideology.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create a point of appeasement in which I am looking to start a company with the basis of my own survival/progression within the skate world by way that it requires a sustained inflow of fresh material and products, not seeing that no matter the stance taken it still requires and supports the existence of commercialism.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing my own addiction to actively think, seek out, and participate in action that supports this addiction and it’s continued existence within me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see initially how my acceptance and allowance of a preconditioned mind system within myself has allowed me to ignore the real issues within the global system and place a greater importance on a “syndrome system” and it faults.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to continue to participate within skateboarding without even stopping to address my relationship within my own mind in self honesty before attempting to change my experience within skating. Basically just looking to improve by repetitious practice movements for the purpose of attaining a greater sense of self definition within skating and never taking the require steps to make it a actual self expression.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame a discontinuous supply of gear as a reasoning that I do not improve at a self defined rate of satisfaction and thus instilling the idea that the only solution is to take matters in to my own hands and become a supplier as to supply my own need for gear and thus support my own self image within my experience.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame others for a limited point of view within their experiences with skateboard that was/is creating the industry that we see today.

When and as I see myself judging the industry and blaming it for my experience within skateboarding and why I am not where I WANT to be within my experience due to lack of materials I stop and breathe.

When and as I see myself wanting to bypass the point of personal responsibility and participation in the depletion of resources due to a investment in personal gratification and emotional longing of self definition I stop and breathe.

When and as I see myself wanting to place skateboarding and the industry of skateboarding in a place of greater importance then what is best for all life I stop and breathe.

When and as I see myself looking to identify myself as a person of great compassion because I have a emotional investment in wanting to change the industry of skateboarding rather then stopping my mind in relation to how I view, act, and portray myself within that industry, I stop and breathe.

I commit myself to actually stop my addiction to a emotional gratification mind system within myself and realize that within that system there is points in which are leading and linking into this parallel system of defining myself as someone who is needing to recreate the skateboard industry to a better way. And to see that I have a personal investment that I have created for my self in which I am just whining to myself about why I am at this point of skill within skating, blaming the industry and justifying the continue exploitation even though it is not acceptable within those contexts.

I commit myself to stop relying on others to reinforce a point of ideological superiority in which dictate that I/we must change the industry so we do not have to feel guilty anymore about skating.

I commit myself to see that this feeling of guiltiness is of a point of self created definition and that it is something that is of my own volition and I am using it as a point of misdirection within myself to not take the steps required to actually address my relationship to skateboarding and it’s industry.

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