32. Basics.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to remain confused within myself and how I choose to express myself within my day.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to continue to hold judgement over my interactions with every being that I talk to. Seeing that within these points of acceptance of sharing there is still a separation within my expression from a standpoint of uncertainty.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to cover up this uncertainty by talking and sharing in such a way that puts forth a premise of false confidence in which I am expressing through a matter of factly tone and attitude.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place doubt within myself when observing the movements of the Desteni group in which I am constantly viewing myself as separate and from a point of inferiority, effectively cutting myself down and pushing away a opportunity to explore self by way of limiting my progress as a comparison with others in the group.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to continue to fall in a place of letting myself slide in which I am not directing my day in a organized manner still. Actually still placing greater importance into activities that are within the realm of entertainment rather then placing the focus on my own self directive action.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to constantly allowing myself to let myself think that within these points of distraction that I will actually make any meaningful change to myself. Not seeing that within these points that the change will only become adamant once I am actually living it in every moment. Not just within a point of writing and then letting the writing slip through back into a place of accomplishment. Like “oh, I have written for the day so I am done”.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that while I am still walking this process that I have the ability to alter peoples paths based on my opinions about things and change them with speech. Ignoring the point that I realize that I can only be a example through my actions, and that I is where my focus should be remaining not flitting around to others experiences in which I habitually have continued to do on some level.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to doubt my self change to a point where I feel like I must express to others on how I have changed verbally, really only missing the point of changing for myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to base much of my actions and words throughout my day from a starting point of how I am feeling within the moment, totally disregard any attempts to create order from within my free time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place a point of resentment within my work as to retaliate and rebuke towards it by allowing myself to not hold a point of structure within my free time. Not seeing or placing value within what I am learning about time management within my job.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to disregard the basics within my writing and continue to attempt to handle points in which I am not fully exploring. Again choosing points in which the subject is of feelings and emotions rather then a point of necessity or simply something that occurred within the day.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing my eagerness for change to dictate a placement of how I am approaching my writing still with something of wanting to jump to the peak from the base of this mountain by attempting to tackle certain subjects within which I have not explored the tools to their fullest extent. Wherein I would better utilize my time in focusing on points of remaining consistent and committed to taking the process in practical steps.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to still devalue myself in terms of berating myself in how I have not changed, when clearly I have, to a point. And while I have not changed to the level of my own expectations I realize that that is actually a self limiting point of view of myself and am from that starting point am placing a limit to my change.

When and as I see myself falling into a place of putting off the formation of a committed routine with myself in which I actually keep pushing back the formulation of a schedule of my time I stop and breathe.

When and as I see myself placing a much greater importance on activities of which I can recognize the starting point to be one of distraction from my process, rather then placing a specific allotted time for myself to partake in these activities, I stop and breathe and direct myself to the creation of a allotted time.

When and as I see myself doubting my self expression within myself as to actually look to cover that insecurity within myself up by speaking to others from a standing point of knowing more I stop and breathe and commit myself to realize that knowing more is based only in knowledge and information and that real expression is from a point of becoming a example of real change and then expressing from a place of certainty of self integrity and equality with the other being.

When and as I see myself viewing myself as less then others in the Desteni group I stop and breathe, and commit myself to realize that from this starting point I am actually judging not only myself but others as well. Indirectly blaming them for my own lack of self directive action and change. Placing a responsibility outside myself in which I am looking to use a point of guilt to motivate my actions. I commit myself to see that from that point of attempt I am only making any progress beyond this point of inferiority with the group impossible and not allowing myself to open up fully to the group.

I commit myself to take a step back from within myself and see where it is that I am continuously looking to skip ahead to all the “big” points and just allowing myself to become soft with myself, seeing that this is the area where I need to let go of to continue breaking down my mind. To be able to let go I must be able to direct myself from a starting point of not comparing my progress with others in the group and actually taking full value from what others are saying and participate openly with the group in which I am not afraid to look silly to others within the group.

I commit myself to look silly and face that fear in which I am on some level looking to become some kind of hero version of myself by knowing it all and figuring it out on my own. Living these commitments as points of personal integrity to and as myself to myself, in which I am not afraid to ask questions to others and just talk to others within the group.

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