45. Additional Sf for 44. Not knowing and not caring to investigate.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into a placement of myself as a hero image and then recoiling towards other beings when they do not recognize that.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not develop a clear and self supportive organizational pattern within the way I conduct my process in which I realize to mean is to be self starting in my investigations of myself, where I am lacking in understanding and foregoing any further investigation into that lack. Instead looking to spend the time “sharing” what I “know” which actually is only ignorance because I am starting from a placement of lack, not being clear in my expression.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame myself and allow that blame to manifest and simmer into a hatred of myself, and from there look to cover or disguise that hatred as a disdain and hatred for the rest of the world.

When and as I see myself looking to blame others for not getting me, I stop and breathe and realize that from that starting point that I am actually attempting to manipulate the other being into a position of support for myself within my self definition and I am not being self support for myself.

When and as I see myself within friction when interacting with another being in which I am struggling to discern if I am expressing from a starting point of actual expression or from a starting point of reliance I stop and breathe and take a look at what is the prime motivating factor within why I am saying what I am saying in that moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place such a personal investment in how others are thinking and conducting themselves to the point in which it has become a consuming point of judgement.

So within that I commit myself to see and realize that the practical solution within this system would be to stop myself when I recognize the feeling of disdain coming forth and recognizing the typical reaction within me to place myself in a position of “teaching them the right way”. And actually being self supportive by staying on point within the conversation and not straying off of the subjective path, or allowing myself to desire the satisfaction of manipulating the other being in such a way that is causing unrequired conflict. I commit myself to Realize that that point is a point of creating friction within my relationships and causing unnecessary points of separation to manifest.

I commit myself to direct myself within investigating the material required to be able to effectively discern my interactions with others and be certain of my starting point in my expression, where primarily it is a point of self, and not a point of self gratification.

I commit myself to take the time necessary conduct the exploration of the material and to do so in a manner in which is more structured and disciplined then I have been.

I commit myself to see the value within these commitment points in which I am firstly learning to bring myself into a placement of self trust with myself and at the same time being able to be trust worthy within my relationships with other and not creating friction pointlessly and for self interest.

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