47. Losing hope and reacting in anger.

So another point in which I have noticed within my experience today is a reaction of anger that comes up from this underlying sense of hope, or positivity towards humanity and where we stand today. What I have seen is that where I am standing I am looking out at the world through documentaries and such and seeing the level of violence, abuse, addiction, deception within society and I fall within myself as a point of being disgusted with the current state of affairs we are in, I am having this system of hope for humanity dashed. I saw that within myself today. And recognized the pattern from my past in which I would react in anger and hate towards the current events that are playing out in the world. I realize that from that starting point that this is another point in which I am expressing myself to people from a place of hatred in which I am going into conversations and interactions with other being with this point of “YOU HAVE TO KNOW ABOUT THIS” attitude and disposition about society the hatred will funnel down into my expression and cloud my ability to actually commit myself to find and integrate solutions for myself within my expression. I am actually quite fascinated at how from so many different angles this problem of my self expression that this one point of hatred towards others ties itself in, or has stemmed from.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold a system of hope within myself in which I am looking at the world as changing positively, and within that continuously having and allowing that hope to be cut down. Not seeing that I am projecting a point of knowledge, as a world in which I am hoping for in comparison to what is here now.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to then react to this in anger and express that towards other being and not realizing that from that starting point my expression and the way that I am conveying myself and ideas about society are based within knowledge and information and is compromised.

I commit myself to realize that starting from a point of hope and being disgusted with humanity is separating myself from myself and my ability to for a practical directive action within myself as I am placing the responsibility outside of myself and blaming the world for the problems that continue to arise.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to contribute by not directing myself effectively.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel powerless within the fabric of society in which I question myself and what I am actually doing.

I commit myself to learn about these points that are causing reactions of anger, and in such be able to practically come to a conclusion about a solution and from there decide the best way to express that.

I commit myself to stop the reactions and points of hope within a realization that things are as they are right now and there is no practical point in projecting to another time, only the point of working within what is here now.

So when and as I see myself looking to jump up in arms about the current state of society and place a personal point of investment as the driver of my experience I stop and breath, bringing myself back to the moment and releasing the anger through forgiveness. And in that moment of forgiveness remember my responsibility within my contributions to those systems and the value within stopping within myself. 

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