50. Feeling frustrated by others choices.

So toady I heard some information about a close friend of mine that actually hit me quite hard for a moment. I was having dinner with another close friend of mine and we started to discuss points in regarding self change and how that relates into ones experience with other beings. How when one moves oneself as a point of self commitment to change that the reaction other being may have towards you will change. Now I have noticed this quite plainly within my experience so far with many different people in my life. Recently I have not been seeing or had much contact with a friend of mine that in the past I have deemed my best friend, as well as someone I dated for a few years. I realized at a point within a conversation with another Destonian what that definition actually means and moved to correct it within myself in which by taking value within another singular being as being a “best” friend I am actually placing a point of superiority on that being and separating with humanity as a whole. Wherein any love that is experienced as greater with any particular being cannot be trusted because that “love” is variable in it’s definition. But anyways that being a point for another time, the information that I received about this “best” friend of mine is that she has recently been using cocaine on a regular basis. Any specific contexts of this usage I’ll leave out, because at this point all it would be speculation, but my friend inferred me to this information from the point of actually doing this with her at a party as he wanted to see what the big deal was. He tells me that she has been using it consistently though. Really the point of this blog post is that when he told me that I was shocked and became frustrated with her and what that piece of information represented within our current state of our friendship. We have not been communicating or interacting much at all over the past  months other then a few times here and there. So I was shocked to hear that this was the path that she is walking right now. And immediately started to place points of why she has not been calling me back, answering my calls, or bailing out on plans to meet up. I noticed that right away I placed a blanket of blame over all of these points in which it was like “well that explains everything”. What I realized about myself is that within this scenario there lies a point of being able to clearly express myself to others that is/has not been adequately executed all this time. Plenty of my experiences with this friend have been within points of my life of not being self honest and stable within my self expression and have lead to many points of chaos, distress, mistrust, anger, and deception between us. Accumulation of events to a consequence experience. And somehow now, I am feeling responsible for what she is doing, or at least partially responsible for not being able to express myself fully as a point of equality with her. Though I can also see the point of how I have repetitively, consistently, and quite clearly been vocal about the message behind Desteni and how I have come about to hear the message how I am moving within it and what that means within creating a world that is best for all through individual self application, but have noticed that while she agrees, is unwilling to commit to taking the steps for herself, and instead remains within addiction to polarity based energetic experiences. 

What I am trying to get at I suppose is that I am shocked and frustrated with another’s choices, while I do see the point of responsibility of being able to communicate points of common sense clearly, but also to not become obsessed with the other being in which I am personally blaming myself for someone else’s choices to participate within self dishonesty and self separation, to instead focus my attentions and efforts on the place where it can be made most useful which is the continued deconstruction of my own mind as to become effective at all sorts of these points of interactions in moments to come. Where I can stand in and as self honesty and integrity within the equality message. There has to be a point in which I need to just step back, and realize myself that is not up to me to change my friends, I can only really be an example and trying to be more then that is actually achieving less. 

Thanks. I will continue tomorrow in addressing specific points of self forgiveness applications regarding this.

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