65. Who am I within this relationship. Part 1

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not look at myself from the context of seeing where and how I am defining myself from within a relationship/agreement.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not ask myself the question who am I within my interactions with this other being.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see that a major point of why I want to be in a relationship is for sex.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to manipulate the relationship in which I behave a certain way or say something with a connotation that is actually with the intent to illicit a specific reaction of getting sex.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold thoughts of fantasy and hopefulness for sex in my mind in situations that are based within a more normal setting, like walking in the woods.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see how these desires and fantasies are really a mind system within myself that is playing itself out through thoughts and actions that are within the starting point of trying to gain something from the other being.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to let myself become a character as a object of desire within how I am portraying myself to the other being. Wherein I pretend that I am do not care how she views me but really actually gaining a point of self gratification when she tells that she thinks I am attractive. I commit myself to see how I am manipulating my image to create a response within her and use it to gain a point of sex.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to view her as attractive within the context of a point of arousal where I access the picture/image connections within that system within my mind rather then realizing that within sexual expression the physical point is the real point to work with and not any point of picture/images, or what I see, and that the reactions of arousal that I am having are from within that mind system that really only is showing me that I am operating from within my mind and desires, and not actually experiencing the other being but really just experiencing my mind.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to stop myself before partaking in any intimate contact with the other being and making sure that my starting point is clear in which I am not having any preconceived mind images or fantasies moving in my mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold a point of personal investment within how I perform my actions within intimate contact in which I have thoughts about giving her a experience, wherein I do not see that within that I am not performing actions within the present moment and actually projecting my actions within the context of a future event.

Continuing tomorrow.

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