66. Who am I within this relationship. Part 2

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear what she thinks about me in the context that she holds feeling for me. And not seeing how that those fears are really a reflection of my own mind looking for those energetic experiences within the interaction with the other being.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear where this may lead and what may come out of it and not really placing the focus on what is happening in this moment in terms of taking care of myself daily in doing my responsibilities without fear of what she may think.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear doing self forgiveness in front of this other being when it pertains to the relationship, not realizing that this is exactly the type of thing that I need to be able to become comfortable with around other beings, exposing myself in self honesty without fear of what others are viewing me as.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold this relationship within the starting point of emotion, in which I am while seeing the common sense of practically attending to the requirements of within a agreement, I am still holding on to the emotional side bag. Not wanting to let go of the experiences that have been drilled into my expectations of what a relationship consists of and allowing myself to make small compromises with myself in this early stages of this relationship/agreement. And in which the solution is to stop myself in those moments and return to a point of breathe and stopping the energetic reactions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not hold patience within myself when looking at how to conduct myself within this relationship/agreement, from the perspective that I am looking/wanting/desiring to rush into this “agreeing” aspect without actually really fundamentally knowing what that entails.

When and as I find myself wanting to have a emotional experience triggered through touching or through words like compliments with ulterior motives I stop myself and breathe realizing that I am looking to give myself a point of self gratification through manipulation of the moment/other being.

I commit myself to see how within this point of coming to a understanding of what a agreement is I cannot do that from a placement point of fear of what the other being will think or what she will react to when I am choosing to expose myself in self honesty and to realize that what I can do and am responsible for is just that to be aware of my own reactions and points of fear of exposure.

I commit myself to trust this process and not hide myself from the other being and to know that if I am really serious about if I would like to be in agreement with this being that I actually have to walk through it starting it with brutal self honesty of where I am looking to define myself with the other being.

I commit myself to stop placing a point of fear within this agreement/relationship in which I am relating and comparing it to my past experiences in which I feel as if I need to self sabotage to make it real in some way and forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself feel as if emotional polarity is the only expression that can come from two people looking to walk together. I commit myself to see how this has only ever brought about the deterioration of my past relationships and realize that it will only be the same loop if I do not choose to stop myself and apply the tools that I have learned so far and continue walking my process for myself, as well as learning daily how to apply myself within the context of a real relationship which is a agreement.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to understand that this will all take time and to not place myself within a point of worrying constantly about if I am doing this right or wrong, rather committing myself to walking this through in self honesty and in a point of real commitment within and learning about agreements, and coming to a honest understanding of myself within myself in relation to this agreement.

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