69. Changing myself to facilitate self honesty.Sf.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear self honesty within myself, from a point of self judgement in which I am ashamed of the point of exposing myself to the world and essentially myself, not seeing that within this fear I am only prolong and intensifying the point of separation within myself and from others. When and as I see myself looking to hide myself within my words and deeds I stop myself and breathe reminding myself that within the breathe is self honesty within the point of not being in my mind within thoughts within ideas of what may or may not be in my future, constantly judging where I would like to be in the future within my mind in which I am actually only living out a point of comparison within how I am viewing myself presently due to events within my past.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fall continuously on the point of feeling like I do not know what to forgive within myself and what is the relevant point in such I am actually not being self honest within how or what I am looking for where the points are right there I just am hiding behind a veil of not wanting to expose myself to them, not wanting to take the time to investigate the points, or sitting paralyzed within a state of self righteousness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place blame within others for how I behave and how I choose to conduct myself within my experience in which I choose to repeat the same processes of judgement and projection onto others through a blindness towards the fact that these other beings are actually points of reflection of myself. I commit myself to stop and breathe when I see myself within a point of judgement of another being and realize that if I am reacting to another being in anyway that that really shows that I am in fact not equal and one with that point within myself, and am still operating from within a mind construct within myself. And within that stopping myself in the moment and breathing to a point of clarity with myself until there is no more mind and the back chat has stopped.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place a importance within what others are thinking about into the position of how I choose to express myself within this particular moment in which I postulate what another being might react to if I say something that may possibly be taking in the wrong way because of a point of being self honest within my own expression, and within that not being completely honest with myself in what I am choosing to be and say within my experience.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing another being to become a point of distraction within and as how I experience myself within my current situation, in which I am allowing the other being to be used as a point of focus in which they are being put within the priority of my day and my daily routine, where I will stop what I am doing to refocus myself onto doing something with this other being. And keep pushing back my daily responsibilities. And within that not effectively directing myself honestly with myself, and not setting boundaries effectively.

I commit myself to stop this cycle within how I move myself in relation to other being in which continuously place the other being in position of superior priority to myself and come to a realization that there is no real point of should or should not within how I spend my time only that there are certain points of commitment that I have made with myself on a daily basis and that new points of commitments can be made it is only to find the time in which to effectively and practically fit them into my day and stick with that.

When and as I see myself beginning to panic at the prospect that this is all to much to handle at once I stop myself breathing the air into my lungs feeling the it fill me in the physical and bring myself back there, and remember that while this may seem overwhelming that it is actually a point of being able to test myself constantly and push myself to become a better more effective human being within myself, and that this is actually the reason why I am doing this in the first place, and instead of seeing everything always from a point of difficulty to see it simply from a point of fact, which is that if I walk the the steps one at a time that eventually I will get where I am going.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to write words that on some level I did not actually have any intent of following through on, where I actually only was writing them within a point of sounding like I know what I am doing, not really expressing within self honest, but rather from a place of knowledge and information and really only looking to paint a picture of myself as someone who is doing something. Failing to realize that this point can only get me so far until I will actually have to face this point of self dishonesty directly within my process as it cannot facilitate change past a point within myself in which I move myself daily without fail.

And so I commit myself to write myself out with brutal self honesty as much as I can and whenever I can find the time to, and not only reserving writing to typing out on the computer but actual writing within the physical nature of my hand and a pencil and a piece of paper. Seeing the real time connection with each movement of my hand and placing that point of integrity into my expression within my writing. And understanding that this point of writing is something that must be self honest about what I am writing for which is to become a better person for myself and effectively clear myself one point at a time, and why I am doing this is for all, and to change the way I live so as to be a point of example within this world as how to live one and equal to life, and in doing such can bring about real lasting change and a earth that is really a place that would be best for all to live in. Not just a point of concept within my mind that I project to instead of actively living within my life day to day as a point of self honesty and integrity.

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