71. Breathe Boon, Breathe.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not breathe.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fall out of breathe and stay continuously in the mind, choosing to be in thoughts, not accepting and allowing myself to see that thoughts only get me to more thoughts and that the solution is not in thoughts, it is in the here, now in the present moment within breathe.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel as if I might be missing something by not being within my mind thinking about all sorts of things, judgement, projections, expectations, questions, etc, not fully realizing that within breathe is the only real solution that I need to understand to get me to where I am going within my process.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become so enthralled with the prospect a experience with other beings skateboarding that I totally forget to breathe and find myself holding my breathe in awe of other beings, holding them within points of judgement and comparison with myself in my mind and not actually being there in the moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become nervous around other beings to the point where I stop breathing, forgetting myself within where I stand in the moment and really only denying myself a opportunity to practice self honesty and trust within my word. And from within the name of conservation of self which really is only saying that I am to afraid of confrontation or scared of judgement to put myself out there in my word. And not seeing how this is really only a act of self interest within a system of self preservation of my current experience of the mind/ego.

I forgive myself to not breathe when I am involved with another being intimately forgetting that within this point of being with another being the imperative is to not be within the mind creating all kinds of hidden points of desire built within many points of memories and experience from the past, within relationships with other beings and with porn, and I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realize and implement the importance of remaining within my breathing within moments of intimacy and sex with another being, being there within the physical moment and experiencing the point from there, and not from within a point of fantasy or emotion.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to stop breathing within moments of self forgiveness, and not coming to the realization that breathe is the foundation point in case and indication that what I am writing is from within a starting point of self honesty and self trust from within the present moment.

And so when and as I see myself not breathing from within many moments and trigger points of falling back within the mind and out of my breathe I stop myself and breathe realizing that this moment is real and bring myself back to this moment, feeling the air filling my lungs.

I commit myself to stopping the mind by bring myself back to this now moment through breathing and understanding that this is self support to breathe, realizing that being within the mind is going to lead me nowhere but to more thoughts and questions.

I commit myself to this process in realizing that I will fall but to keep continuously bringing myself back in to the breathe and applying forgiveness within that moment for not breathing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not want to do self forgiveness within the moment holding judgement over it as being tedious and and unrealistic to do every single time that I fall out of breathe an within that missing the point of actually building a point of commitment within myself in which the point is to move myself and not beat up myself for my failures thus far but to form a point of change within how I conduct myself day to day, moment to moment.

I commit myself to change this point within myself through this point of one step after another realizing that this will take time but also a point of being completely self honest within those moments.

To be continued…


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