75. Compassion continued.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to put forth a self image as one who is compassionate when in fact that has always been with the starting point of appearing that way to other beings to maintain a relationship with other beings. Not realizing that within that starting point there is no real compassion only self interest and self preservation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing fear to overcome myself in my life where I focus more on proving compassion to those around me rather then a overall compassionate action to the way I live with full knowledge and acceptance of what must be done to change the world systems from one of abuse to one of support.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not have courage in the face of this task. Allowing my mind to rule in fear and cause me to stop directing myself in a way that is best for all but only best for me in that moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to consistently run, because of points within my upbringing were I would always run from my problems rather then wanting to face them, and feel helpless and weak against others and this is why I choose to feel compassion rather then apply it so I can escape from a potential threat in that moment.

When and as I see myself experiencing this emotion of compassion coming up within me, I stop and breathe. I realize that this compassion is really a escape route that I have designed for myself for the present moment in which when I am experiencing something that requires me to behave a certain way to maintain a relationship with another being I play that character of compassion instead of applying a real action of compassion to my overall way of living, I am looking to run away from actually having to face problems in the world practically, instead feeling “compassion” is enough.

I commit myself to see that real compassion would be standing up within myself acknowledging what must be done in the world to make real change happen, and what is best for all life here, and applying myself within those principals.

I commit myself to realize that doing this task will take a great deal of courage from within myself as my mind will always try to take advantage and turn me back in every instance until I have walked myself through each point of separation practically.

I commit myself stop myself when I notice that I am only looking to please or placate another being by reacting or behaving a certain way to gain their acceptance or respect, or if it maintains points of separation within the other being.

I commit myself to give support to other beings whenever it is appropriate within the context of practical solutions and not blind sympathy.

I commit myself to stop the fear within myself of rejection from others for actually standing up within myself and not basing my sense of self worth within a belief that I need to fit in with the others to be OK and stable within myself.

I commit myself to see that stability will only come when I have practically faced myself in each point of fear that has layered itself on top of the next layer over the course of my whole life.

I commit myself to stop running away from problems and situations that I do not want to face and realize that the more that I run away that the more they will chase me down accumulating in quantity and intensity and understand that the only practical thing to do is to stand in courage and face my own mind.

I commit myself to the understand that living real compassion is living by principal, the principal that in each moment to be here now within this breath and understand why being here now is important and that living now will actually prove that one is in fact in support of life.

I commit myself to live real compassion.

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