78. The fear of taking risks.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the real risk of standing up for life and having real courage when it is called for.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to find the risk to my life through skateboarding to be more rewarding and of greater value then taking the risk of exposing myself because it is like a rush of a drug and I have become addicted to it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that like other addictions that I have faced this addiction can be faced and walked out of through a commitment to self, and bringing myself back to life in what is really important.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see how the risks involved with aligning myself with equality and oneness involves stabilizing myself financially, putting myself out there and exposing myself to all sorts of areas in which I am nervous and uncomfortable with, so really the risk is one of mental/ego limitation that I have set up for myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself not to realize that while I am in fear of risking myself as ego, I am really risking the sanctity of life, through non participation in deconstructing myself as the mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within this fear to the point where taking risk that involves my physical body being injured or killed is a more feasible and sensible thing to do then to face myself as the ego mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place this point of activity above the rest of my life within a standpoint of priority and relative importance and focus, to the point of where skating is really only fulfilling a emotional requirement and really has stopped being anything practical or supportive as a point of enjoyment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that the fear of taking risks and stepping outside my safe zone of taking physical risk on a skateboard has not allowed me to step up to the plate in any other areas of my life like supporting myself within financial literacy, in being able to create a stable platform for me to live in.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize how this has lead to a constant struggle for me to live and really has only been appeased by putting myself at risk physically and getting that fix of adrenaline.

Tbc.

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