90. Work Pt 3.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to enjoy work and to place working in a lesser priority to other things like play and relaxing, and thus really saying to myself that I am not willing to work on myself because I am less then the emotional gratification that drives me to play.

When and as I see myself caught up within a positive/negative polarity where work is place within a context of being something not enjoyable and stressful, I stop and breathe. I realize that this is a system created in my mind from childhood.

When and as I see myself replaying the point of avoiding work and living within the negative connotation of work since I was a kid for the reasons of wanting to feel better about my situation, I stop myself and breathe, realizing that I do not have to run anymore and if I do want to run away from being self responsible that there will always be a consequence.

When and as I see myself wanting to just counteract a negative feeling of working with a positive act of playing I stop myself and breathe, realizing that the polarity actually does not exist and that I am just responding to the dynamic with friction within my mind.

When and as I see myself starting from a point of limitation where I already believe that something will not be enjoyable because it’s work I stop myself and breathe, realizing that just because something does not generate emotional responses that are joyful and exciting that they are not worth doing.

When and as I see myself viewing work as something that must be conquer within me to start enjoying it I stop myself and breathe and realize that the point of enjoyment will stand within the support that I am providing for myself within and as bringing myself back to life.

When and as I see myself in a state of mopping around, disengaged, and feeling sorry for myself within the situation of working I stop myself and breathe and realize that working hard and business are actually that self support that will in the long term free myself and others from the rat race that we are all currently in.

I commit myself to see that viewing and behaving like work is a negative experience is actually a indication that I am existing within a polarity construct created by my mind in which I am viewing one experience as better and more than another experience.

I commit myself to stop the association that I have had with my view of work since childhood, and to walk myself out of desire to escape from work.

I commit myself to see the real motive and motivation within work that can be extremely supportive which is the aligning myself within equality and oneness and becoming a effective person within creating a world that is best for all.

I commit myself to stop the fear of standing up for life through avoidance of work.

I commit myself to approach work from a starting point of self support and a opportunity to learn and find out more about myself and my capabilities.

I commit myself to really see how the way that I approach work will have direct results in how I experience myself in my life, as well as how others around me will experience themselves.

I commit myself to stop the point of only wanting to engage in work or an activity if it is the my preprogrammed definition of fun, and to forgo any sort of prejudice about a activity based within emotional responses.

I commit myself to see the enjoyment that is available within any activity whether it is working on myself, some project, my job, or others and to in essence stop seeing working as the polarity to playing wherein both of these types of activities can be equally enjoyable.

I commit myself to stop using poor me excuses from how I was raised to justify not taking action, seeing how this is my mind looking to trigger emotional friction within me to keep me from finding and addressing my self in honesty which is here now in breathe in each moment.

I commit to stop the charge/attachments to the word “work”, so I can move myself daily within the deconstruction of my mind and reconstructing myself as life here, and to become the truest expression of who I am as life to create a world that is best for all within all of my daily activities. Be it work, or play, being self honest within who I stand as here in this breathe.

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89. Work pt 2.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to allow my current view of work to be based within the same mentality of that when I was attending school and was told to work on my assignments and work on my homework.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself become frustrated when I was faced with having to do something that I did not want to and did not see that practical value of at the time because I was more interested within feeling good and having fun skateboarding and playing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see how my upbringing was a integral part of why I wanted to avoid my work and just focus on feeling good playing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use my parents divorce as a excuse to become upset as a child and really from that point on did not trust my parents and was uncooperative when told to do work.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to do work that was/is clearly not within what I am capable with just to get through and “get to the fun part”.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see that value in working for myself and really developed this negative response to working through a series of events that basically had me behaving in spite to what my parents where saying.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see how I would see my parents mistakes and use those justify not listening to what they had to say rather then learning from their experiences.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become a subject of my on depressions about growing up in an broken family and not seeing how I have used that as a excuse throughout the years to float myself along through my experiences with a just getting by mentality and not actually standing up within myself to motivate myself to fully express myself within all aspects of my life for myself, work included.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see how working can be one of the greatest points of self support because I am actively working to provide myself with direct support and necessities to live.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that working also can go beyond working for necessity but actually to a point of self expression through creating something within my work that is supportive financially but at the same time is something that I would be enjoying creating and participating in as well.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to constantly forget recently that the work that is involved within creating a world that is best for all is intensive and profound but by no means changes the fact that it is necessary to continue the expression of life on this planet and if we would like to continue I/we would have to put in some work towards that common end, and realizing that this can be a very supportive new definition for the work that I do within my daily experience.

88. Work.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to view work in a extremely negative view in which some case I have loathed being at work and putting a day at work in.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold work in and as the opposite of play and fun, and a representation of everything that I would not like to be doing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself not see that I am holding work in this view because it is something that does not generate feelings of joyfulness, relaxation, and ease.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see how this view is resulting directly to the relationship with the idea of play being the negative polarity of the positive.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have two distinct modes of conducting myself at any given time which is work and play where work is something that I have defined as; hard, painstaking, tedious, boring, repetitive, linear, disengaging, etc. And that anything that is not play is work.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to under these definition set up a series of limitations for myself where I do not want to walk myself through something just because it is work.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for only seeing my preconceived work that has to go into something and from there have already come to a conclusion that I will not enjoy it.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see the potential for support of working towards a world that is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see that as a personal point of self support work is a necessary practical point that has to be walked out and that viewing it within a negative view and conception I am really only saying that I am unwilling to support myself practically.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to always attempt to disengage myself from work where I try to make it go as fast as possible with the least amount of effort.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to take stake in my work as a personal point of expression, in which I am moving myself through my process of change and realizing and accepting that all my experiences are a part of that.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see that standing within myself self honestly as my work is really the only point to really consider where mopping around about it is really only feeling sorry for myself instead of being there in the breathe and walking through one step at a time.

87. Planning as business.

So I noticed that I did not cover the aspect of planning within how a business system is performed so I will attempt to address that here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see and realize that within the formation of a business there is a massive amount of planning involved.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that within myself I am incapable of starting a business or with conducting a business for myself because of the planning aspect of it, believing that I am no good at it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to stand in dreading the planning aspect of any business venture simply because I do not trust in myself to do the planning correctly.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see that at every stage of business planning is involved, within the research, development, and execution each stage requires a effective plan to be successful.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to based this fear of planning correctly back to my time in school when I was asked to make a life plan in what I wanted to do/be within my life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become angry at the fact that I was growing up and had to take responsibility for myself becoming an adult and come up with some kind of plan for my life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing those negatively charged experiences to influence my view of planning in the my present definition and integration of planning.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to also place an emphasis on planning as to be the end all to any kind of business veture or activity where in I get stuck on the planning of a “perfect” idea rather then seeing the planning as just a plan and that the actions will be the defining factor within if I will be successful at something or not.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that planning is the planning of actions that need to be staken to be successful and that no matter the amount of planning that is done the actions still need to be walked in order to be realized within a business.

When and as I see myself considering the planning stages of any business venture as being tedious, boring, or unimportant, or afraid I stop myself, breathe, and realize that planning is a necessary stage to any business and that being unwilling to make a plan is saying that I am unwilling to be patient and realize all the elements of a business.

When and as I see myself postponing a business plan do to fearing making a imperfect plan or not being succesful at making a plan, I stop and breathe, understanding that those fears are actually a part of not wanting to stand up within myself and move past childhood longings to remain a child forever.

When and as I see myself standing within the idea that planning is the end all to business I stop myself and breathe, realizing that the the planning is but a stage that is only a part of operating any sort of business and that taking actions to actively make the business move forward are required to move past a stage of planning.

I commit myself to walk myself out of any sort of prejudgment towards planning a business and to actual tackle the point of moving forward one step at a time which at this point would be planning out my ideas.

I commit myself to see that wanting to stay a child forever is not possible but that the point of getting involved within business and planning is to be a part of creating a world best for all and where children around the world can experience childhoods that are the true and deserving childhoods of any human being, without struggle and filled with the opportunity to fully express themselves safely and confidently.

I commit myself to take action within my life to move forward through the various stages of business to become a effective being in bringing about a world best for all and that planning is but one stage and to not forget the the planning is the precursor to taking action. And that taking is the point that actual takes the ideas and makes them physical reality.

I commit myself to see that planning is the refinement of ideas to make the execution of the ideas in actions more feasible and manageable, through prioritizing and organization.

I commit myself to trust myself to plan correctly and to not place a emphasis on the “correct” way to plan but to plan to make mistakes along way and to understand that this is a vital learning tool in making mistakes and that as time progresses those mistakes will be called experiences rather then mistakes.

I commit myself to move myself daily in doing a little bit of some stage, piece by piece, on my journey to becoming financially stable and literate as to constantly and consistently be moving forward towards creating this world as best for all as life.

86. Planning pt 2.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see how my common response/reaction to not having a daily plan is to default into wasting time and avoidance of the things that I would consider unenjoyable but are actually self supportive.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become triggered by television as a main deterrent to following through on the formation and execution of a daily plan.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that sticking to a plan is actually a self commitment point.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to tell myself that there is not enough time is but an excuse that I have made for myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see how there is adequate time that is available but I have not been pushing myself in self honesty to make time for all points within a daily plan.

I forgive myself for feeling guilty about not making time for all my daily responsibilities so I just let it build up and pile up within my mind and create a feeling of being overwhelmed within me because of not following through with a creating and maintaining a plan.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel guilty about not making/following through with any sort of plan in the past.

So when and as I see myself falling into a emotional response about planning which is based within points of association with how I view planning as a chore and a task to perform rather then a point of being a self supportive point that I can really have fun with and enjoy, I stop and breathe.

I realize that this is really only a point of becoming self directive daily and learning to trust myself impeccably and without wavering through pushing myself through all distractions, and know where to apply my time that I have, and doing so until I can trust myself.

When and as I see myself becoming distracted and allow myself to become lured away by television or games I stop myself and breathe, realizing that while there is time that can be put aside for entertainment when it is only a point of defaulting my time over being self directing and following through with what I know to be my self responsibilities it becomes a issue of self honesty.

When and as I see myself standing within and as a point of belief that I do not want to change or see that I am behaving in such a way that is just not feeling like following through with a plan and it is just easier to relax and watch tv, go skating, or play a game, I stop myself and breathe and realize that this is the mind systems that are pre-programmed within me which are fighting for me to remain that same, and that the smoking gun for this is where there is resistance to changing that is the point of self honesty that must be walk and pushed through, and where there is ease it is likely that those are just programs.

So I commit myself to stop this emotional attachment points towards planning where I repel away from it because I find it to be a chore to plan and not enjoyable.

I commit myself to make a daily plan with the understanding and within the criteria of making it a point of self support and in turn that self support a criteria of life support for all, and for creating a life that is best for all.

I commit myself to see and understand that the constant bantering and self judgement of not getting things done can easily be rectified through properly planning out my day and making a point of sticking to it without compromising WHENEVER POSSIBLE.

I commit myself to see how my mind is a expert in taking me out of commit to my responsibilities and how I need to become a living expert with trusting myself to do my responsibilities and see/move past/through all my common points of distraction to a daily plan laid out for myself.

I commit myself to have self determination in the formation of a daily plan that makes time for everything in a common sense manner and realize that I am able to be flexible within my plan and not be overly rigid but to see where the points of self honesty lay in regards to all points within my journey back to life.

I commit myself to see the value of self trust that can be realized within walking a point of sticking to a daily plan and not defaulting to pre-programming.

I commit myself change my current trajectory in my experience and instead really start trusting myself to move in territories in which I am unfamiliar with and that seem harrowing, and understanding that any initial resistances and fears that I have are mind created and are points that to be pushed through in self honesty.

I commit myself to stop beating up on myself for the failure to plan out my life in the past and to remove that experience as a point of deterrent and realize that as a point to be pushed through as well and that this is another attempt of my mind to keep me on a complacent line away from actually standing up in self direction.

I commit myself to stand up and be self directive in the formation of a daily, weekly, monthly, yearly plan that can be used as a guideline for me to measure progress within myself, and keep myself honest with myself. Understanding that this is a pact with myself to start a new direction and that I am putting in front of me the points that I would like to see myself tackle in a process of each day directing myself in honesty so I can make my journey back to life.

I commit myself to see that becoming effective as a daily routine is how I can assist in creating a world that is best for all.

85. Planning.

Planning for me has always been a stretch, I have never really been ok with planning out my day, rather just flying by whatever comes along in how I feel. As a result I have not ever gotten anywhere substantial with my life. Plenty of idea’s to work with but actually sitting down to make coherent sense of how to take those idea’s from a mind projection into the reality of the physical has been a chore.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to only act within a state of living my life based only in/as how I feel in that moment and letting my emotional self direct me rather then having a agreement with myself and holding myself to that agreement.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear planning and the process of addressing my life in such a way that would be self supportive.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to put off the process of planning due to not wanting change my current path within life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see how this has consistently been one of the defining points of consequence in my life where I have always set myself up to fail.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see how planning can be fun and enjoyable when it is for the betterment of my personal stability.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself as planning for the future of life itself where planning would take a form of daily support for the foundation of life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be blind to the consequences that not having some kind of idea of direction in my personal experience can have for the destiny of life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that through planning that I lose some aspect of spontaneity of my experience not realizing that planning is not a set in stone point to be totally austere about but rather a understanding with self to create a physical mile marker for myself in which I can see my process back to life and effectively plot that out for myself dynamically.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place myself in a mode of stress when faced with the prospect of planning because I do assosiate the planning with hard work, and no fun, rather then seeing it as a point of self support which can be enjoyable.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not understand that planning out my day can actually help me in moving forward and progressing myself within my process, help me to stop floating around within my mind on things that need to be done, things I should do, and things that I would like to be doing. And makes actual times for these things so I do not become swamped in one area of things that need to be done and addicted to another area of things that I want to be doing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use lack of planning as a self excuse to not stabilize my situation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see how time is a fundamental part of how I move within this world and that adequate planning and allocation of time will ensure that I am able to successfully direct myself in/as my journey back to life.

I will continue tomorrow.

84. Learning.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to view learning as a chore in which I am forced to do.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing my self to dislike learning since I was a child through the LEARNED belief that learning is not cool or fun.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to partition different aspects within learning as to what is fun to learn and what is boring or not cool and placing limitation on myself into what areas I am able to navigate and express myself within.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that learning begins before birth as the physical body grows and learns to adapt to its surroundings in this world and that this learning is automatic and without condition.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see the how the natural learning ability is something that is automatic and without condition where everything that is presented is able to be taken in and integrated.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not recognize that issues with this NLA arise when I attach belief systems or emotional responses to and as the learning process.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have preferences towards areas of learning, preferring to learn in one particular field of subject matter over another like learning cooking over business for example.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have the belief that I need to learn everything rather then take a self honest assessment of my situation and apply myself in the areas that would be most practical and self supportive rather then spending time learning in areas that will not lead me to a effective result, like training to become a astronautical engineer for example. Realizing that I am able to do so and pursue this but at this point is it practical and self supportive to do so?

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see how I will prolong my pathways in learning when I do not show interest with a particular subject matter which I do not hold a emotional point of attachment to that subject matter, and conversely becoming addicted to subject matter that I do hold emotional or personal attachments to.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold these trigger points as a acceptance of myself as a personality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold myself within self judgment/beliefs about certain views of myself within learning, like the belief that I am poor at mathematics, or languages.

So when and as I see myself standing within a viewpoint of myself where I am telling myself that I am unable to learn something or do not feel as as if I can, I stop myself and breathe. I realize that the natural learning ability is available to all when one removes the emotional and personality beliefs that are built up from childhood.

I see that if one takes it back to the point of learning in the physical, without participating in the mind then the learning can be easy, enjoyable, and rapid, despite the subject matter.

And so I commit myself to stop the pre-programmed views that I have place in front of myself within my mind in which I limit myself on what, and how I learn, based within personality preferences.

I commit myself to see the necessary points and steps that are required within this world to create one that is best for all and to push myself to learn about them as well as subject matter that can be useful in creating that world as well as being self supportive.

I commit myself to stop the belief that learning is a chore and the idea that learning is boring, and instead see how learning can be fun and integrated when the mind is removed within the physical act of learning.

I commit myself to be practical within the time I spend and come to a understand in which areas I can learn in which will be the most effective and self supportive with my situation and in creating a best for all scenario.

I commit myself to see that some of the things that have shown to be my propensity are in fact some things that are of my programmed mind, like spending a exuberant amount of time learning skateboarding tricks because I enjoy it so much, but overall does not support me or anyone in any appreciative way.

I commit myself to realize that just like learning skateboarding tricks the act of learning is a physical act were the brain pathways are created through the act of learning naturally and easily when not hampered by preexisting contrary neural pathways within me like beliefs that I cannot learn something or that something is hard or complex.

I commit myself to push through those moments of wanting to stop learning something because of those beliefs and conservation’s of boredom.

I commit myself effectively support myself through learning, and understanding that by stopping the emotional attachments and belief systems that I have built around my own learning capabilities I can achieve a much more fluid integration of information as well as expression of information as well.

I commit myself to see how this information would be best utilized within the understanding and formation of a world system that is best for all and that it would would be cool to learn in areas that support and bring about that goal.

83. Business.

In the past I have not had a open mind about business. viewing it as something that is for those that are only looking out for themselves and those that are greedy. I am understanding now that there is nothing inherently bad or evil about business, owning, or operating business but rather has been my starting point within how I view business which has be with a negative emotional response. I am looking to investigate and clear some of the words that I have come to associate with business, working, and money over the next posts so I can become more effective in my approach and consistency.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience a negative response when shown a face with the idea of running a business.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to view business as evil and only for those that are greedy and self interested.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see how the only real point to consider within operating a business is self honesty, am I being self honest within my starting point and acting in such a way that will be best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing limitation to exist within myself in how I am able to approach the formation of a business as a means of practical self support.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to view business as hard and as some foreign entity in which I am not born to do not realizing that this viewpoint is as actually only in my mind wherein forming and operating a business is really simply another skill that can be learned and practiced.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to never really attempt to start a business for myself on the basis of fearing losing and fearing rejection.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing fear of loss and rejection to exist within me and dictate my actions.

When and as I see myself acting out in fear where I do not take action, I stop myself and breathe.

I realize that within my experience there have been many points of fear concerning money and associations made with my past about business that have placed me in a position of non action when it comes down to opportunities of self support.

I commit myself to investigate into this system further and uncover and expose myself when exactly these systems started within my experience.

I commit myself to stop seeing business as a word that holds negative connotation through the dishonesty that some use business for as personal gain.

I commit myself to understand that business can be a form of practical self support when self honesty is applied and that underneath the principal motive of self support there can be a point of establishing business to support all as equal as life.

82. Self Commitments on physical risk pt.2

I commit myself to move myself daily into the risk of deconstructing my mind and seeing for myself what the rewards can be for making myself accountable for my own actions, thoughts, feelings and emotions.

I commit myself to stop the feelings of inadequecy within my self view comparing myself towards others and actually start living from a starting point of what is best for all where when I do choose to take part in some kind of activity it is not from within a point of some definition of self worth.

I commit myself to live within my means by which I mean that I know my limitations and the risks invovled in activities like skateboarding and to properly prepare and protect myself. Like wearing safety gear and taking care of my body through stretching.

I commit myself to see how skateboarding is really not something that defines who I am in this world it is simply something that I have done.

I commit myself to understand that I able to do other things that are capable of bringing about a best for all scenarieo, wherein skateboarding has mainly been only about myself and feeling good about myself.

I commit myself to see that why I intially want to feel good about myself through skateboarding is because it was a reaction to a childhood that was not completely supportive and that skateboarding was the first thing that made me feel ok through pain.

I commit myself to understand how in the past I used physical pain to mask the pain emotionally as a child and that I was making a sacrifice of my body to the mind where I had no understanding of my mind and its hold at the time.

I commit myself to see the mind when it is attempting to pull me into skateboarding as a point of addiction and self definition.

I commit myself to see that skateboarding is something that I can do but it is not all that I am, or all that I am capable of.

I commit myself to a new path of understanding where I can see myself for what I really am which is a being who is equal and one with life.

I commit myself to this realization through the process of self writing, sharing, and speaking myself to freedom as self forgiveness, and self commitments.

I commit myself to move myself daily to improve from the previous day were I understand that this is not a one shot deal, but something ongoing to live within and by the priciple of equality and oneness within bringing myself back to the breathe here.

I commit myself to myself.

 

81. Self commitments on physical risk. pt 1.

I commit myself to stop the addiction to adrenaline and stabilize myself within breathe understanding that here and now is the only real reality and any lusting after feelings is a point of comparison with the past which is only existing within my mind.

I commit myself to see how this point of competition with myself and others began a long time ago as a child in which we would push ourselves to be better then the next child at sports and anything really.

I commit myself to see how this form of competition was breed into myself as a point of indoctrination into society.

I commit myself to not allow myself to continue within this cycle within myself so as to view myself apart of other beings and compare myself to others to the point where I feel the need to take physical risks to my body to fit into the group.

I commit myself to stop myself from running from my problems and points of fear through escaping into this addiction to skateboarding, and to see how the risks that are really worth taking are the risks that are involved within deconstructing my mind. The risk to free myself from myself and express myself without holding back and the risk of standing up for life within every single breath.

I commit myself to see that those risks are really only risks to my ego/mind and that the real expression of life is without risk and that I do not need to fear this expression and only do because I have not existed outside of the sphere of my minds influence completely…yet.

I commit myself to stand as a example of one who understands and realizes the implications of the risks of skateboarding and choose to exercise restraint and consideration within the activity in recognition of the attachment points and addictions within myself that are a result of skateboarding as a thrill and internal competition.