79. Why the risk?

So within what I have written so far I can see that there definitely has been some level of drug like addiction to taking risks with my physical body to generate excitement. Not trusting myself to see and recognize the priorities in my life and commit to them. Not recognizing the opportunities to direct myself effectively through understanding the reality around me and postponing learning about it. A inherent fitfulness with reality in which I constantly feel the need to escape into a alternate one, which is indicating that I am always looking to run away from my problems rather then face them. That I am finding myself within a structure of inherent competition and comparison where I want to somehow fit into this model of hierarchical structure where the boundaries are set to a point and beings such as myself are looking for recognition or belonging within that structure. But without stopping to ask myself why or what is the reality behind this, why the risk for this and no risk for creating a world that is best for all, why not risk it all on aligning myself with equality and oneness, perhaps I will find that there is no risk only to my ego, only to my mind and that is what is really making me doubt myself…

So when and as I see myself drawn into this state of risk within skateboarding that is generated through a state of wanting to be on top and excel at something, I stop and breathe and realize that there is no better or on top and that the comparisons that I hold are actually only held in my mind as points of self in which I do not value myself enough to see through the risks and apply the risk in areas that are worthy and best for all, like the deconstruction of my mind.

When and as I see myself caught up within the industry of skateboarding I stop and breathe, and realize that this sports industry is like any other and is inherently a manifestation of risk management in which the risk is physical safety and that the feeling of pushing the edge is in ways exactly like a drug addiction in which the resulting motivations are really in self interest.

When and as I see myself standing within and as the belief that the bar within action sports has to constantly be raised as a point of human achievement I stop myself and breathe, I understand that the real level of human achievement would be measure within the capacity to restore the value of life and forgive ourselves from all points of individual separation that has been accepted and allowed and understand that action sports and adrenaline can really be covers for selfishness and showmanship.

Continuing…

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