85. Planning.

Planning for me has always been a stretch, I have never really been ok with planning out my day, rather just flying by whatever comes along in how I feel. As a result I have not ever gotten anywhere substantial with my life. Plenty of idea’s to work with but actually sitting down to make coherent sense of how to take those idea’s from a mind projection into the reality of the physical has been a chore.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to only act within a state of living my life based only in/as how I feel in that moment and letting my emotional self direct me rather then having a agreement with myself and holding myself to that agreement.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear planning and the process of addressing my life in such a way that would be self supportive.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to put off the process of planning due to not wanting change my current path within life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see how this has consistently been one of the defining points of consequence in my life where I have always set myself up to fail.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see how planning can be fun and enjoyable when it is for the betterment of my personal stability.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself as planning for the future of life itself where planning would take a form of daily support for the foundation of life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be blind to the consequences that not having some kind of idea of direction in my personal experience can have for the destiny of life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that through planning that I lose some aspect of spontaneity of my experience not realizing that planning is not a set in stone point to be totally austere about but rather a understanding with self to create a physical mile marker for myself in which I can see my process back to life and effectively plot that out for myself dynamically.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place myself in a mode of stress when faced with the prospect of planning because I do assosiate the planning with hard work, and no fun, rather then seeing it as a point of self support which can be enjoyable.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not understand that planning out my day can actually help me in moving forward and progressing myself within my process, help me to stop floating around within my mind on things that need to be done, things I should do, and things that I would like to be doing. And makes actual times for these things so I do not become swamped in one area of things that need to be done and addicted to another area of things that I want to be doing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use lack of planning as a self excuse to not stabilize my situation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see how time is a fundamental part of how I move within this world and that adequate planning and allocation of time will ensure that I am able to successfully direct myself in/as my journey back to life.

I will continue tomorrow.

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