So yesterday I had a volunteer in the kitchen from the shelter, a young guy 25 years old and he told me that he and his girlfriend might be having a baby. In a instant I switched into a more paternal mode and started talking about all the books that I have been reading about business and entrepreneurship, talking to him about everything I was learning. It was dawning on me that most of what I was saying was not getting through to him but I notice within myself this reaction of wanting to push harder, like somehow I was taking on this responsibility for him because he MIGHT have a baby.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to direct another beings path because I feel like I am older and more knowledgeable so I have something to give to this being.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for jumping into a paternal mindset within myself when I heard that he might be having a baby with his father.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge the situation as he will not be able to handle the task of fatherhood so I allow this worry for the baby to infiltrate my mind and my experience.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing my past to become a factor within how I am interacting with others wherein I am not actually assisting in the areas that I am proficient in which would be assisting him within learning how to cook so he could get a job easier and support himself and possibly a family.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place my own experience with my father at the forefront of my view/opinion of others that are having children at a young age which is that they are still young and do not even know themselves that well yet.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge another through my own direct programming of my emotional baggage of my childhood and not see how this is something the I should work out for myself instead of trying to pass/force onto others.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel as if I did not let him in on what I was learning that he would not have a chance to support himself and did not stop to realize that the point of learning about oneself is through action, through step up and treating another as oneself and if the opportunity arises to share then to choose to share unconditionally, instead I felt like I needed to share with this young man to get him back on track.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see how within this I was off the tracks in allowing myself to become directed by my own fears and trigger points from the past, worrying about others lives as if they were my own life.
I’ll continue with this post.