104. Giving people what they want. Being clear. And am I doing the right thing? pt 2.

 

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fall into a ethic of not really caring about what I do and what I serve at my job and have really kind of let my actions slide in terms of the effort I am willing to put into preparing the meals.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see how this lack of effort and caring is based within disdain and anger towards the system and feelings in which I believe that I could do a better job of getting people off the street then the system is providing.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see how this is just arrogance at this point as I am still working through my own process, my own separations of self and not understanding that each of these beings has there own process ahead of them and I cannot change them in any other way then to walk my process as an example and share my experiences if they are asked for.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to let these constructs rule me instead of seeing my work as a point of personal expression where I do the job with my entire attention and focus that is required, realizing that while in the grand scheme of things it may not be making the biggest splashes but I am supporting myself within my job and it is a point of being here now within what I am doing.

 

When and as I see myself become upset or agitated towards the shelter clients I stop myself and breathe and realize that they are me as one and equal to me as life, and that what I am actually dealing with is only mind systems. I commit myself to stop judging mind systems and realize that any sort of judgement towards others is my own mind consciousness system looking for friction to feed its own existence.

 

When and as I see myself not standing within myself at work and find myself depressed within my work ethic in terms of not wanting to put in the effort to complete a meal with integrity I stop myself and breathe, realizing that within the point of laziness within my work ethic it is actually a point of not wanting to support myself within standing up within myself in which ever situation that I am in.

 

I commit myself to see that not standing up consistently within all of the situations that I am a part off actually is point out that I am within a mind selfishness where I only consider comfort and ease to be of value.

 

When and as I see myself only taking my own self interest into account when preparing meals I stop myself and breathe and realize that the beings that I am preparing meals for are actually me within and as myself and that not caring about what I prepare can in fact cause harm and illness to these other beings.

 

I commit myself to pay attention and focus myself when prepare food so as to support myself within the expression of working to support me and within the expression of support of providing those that are requiring nutrition with the best options that I can provide within the limitations of my workplace.

 

When and as I see myself reacting to the those that seem to be over doing the amount of calories that they are in-taking due to the rules of limitations of my workplace I stop myself and breathe and understand that despite my emotional wishes others are where they are at within there own process here on earth.

 

I commit myself to the understanding that there is little that I can do in terms “convincing” them to change, but there is always the point of standing up within myself, facing myself in self honesty daily and changing myself, and if approached with questions I can provide support.

 

On the flip side, when and as I see myself faced with anxiety within a situation in which a client is asking me to break the rules that have been laid out for me in such a way that is not best for all, (ie, receive more then I can’t give equally to all that are requesting extra) I stop myself and breathe and realize that in those situations I can actually can do the integral part of saying no to the being, explaining myself clearly and moving on with-out moving into a emotional reaction toward the other being, even if he/she is screaming/angry with me.

 

I commit myself to trust myself within how I distribute food within the shelter and realize that within this particular demographic of beings at this time there will invariably be some that are looking for more then their viable allotment of food, but commit to myself to not react in a emotional way in considering that they are just being greedy or are selfish for asking for more.

 

I commit myself to realize that when I react in such a way that demonizes others within my view of them what I am actually seeing and recognizing is my own demons within my mind consciousness system activating.

 

I commit myself to realize that I am no better then those that are staying in the shelter, that we are one and equal and at this point I can support both of us through careful attention to myself in the expression of myself within work.

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