108. Talking to the boss and fear of authority.

 

 

So this yesterday morning I had some anxiety about a talk that I have been meaning to have with my boss. The talk was about getting another job in Alberta working in the camps. I noticed a few things about the experience that I had leading up to this talk. Since I knew that I was going to see her last morning I was stressing out a little over bringing this up through a mental play-out within my mind, where that worst case scenario kept going through my head. Yelling and screaming, swearing and blaming were all coming from my imaginary authority figure. I was nervous walking into the kitchen because I had seen my boss get angry before and I did not want to be the invocation of that anger even though I had come to decision that going to the camps would be the best decision for me at this point. I was scared of a retribution and retaliation style reaction from her for wanting to leave. But in the end it was all in my mind and she was very supportive about the idea and even offer to use her connections to help me find a job. So it goes to show how the mind constructs can be totally off base when it comes to reality and just tend to come up with the WCS.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get caught up within myself fearing and becoming anxious about talking to my boss about finding another job.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear getting reprimanded and yelled.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing this fear to be manifest through a fear of authority.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see how this particular instance started as a fear of female authority within the way that I was raised through-out my childhood.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to associate confrontation with a female authority as being stressful for this reason of preprogamming instead of standing stable within myself trusting myself to communicate effectively.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to come up with a worst case scenario in my mind that where I am a victim of persecution from another being because that is what I have experienced in the past and that is what I fear happening to me in the future, also based within what I have observed my boss to be capable of.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place my boss in a box of characterization where I judge her by past actions and incidents of her.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not stand within the principal of equality and oneness with how I communicate with my boss and stand up within myself.

 

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to not see how the figmentation of this fear in my mind is actually the preprogramming that must be push through to actually reach self expression, where I will experience much friction and resistance to making changes happen within my life.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not understand the real point here which is still the judgement of another and the activity of the mind in creating reality other then what is here in front of me.

 

I will continue with this subject after work today.

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