111. Over thinking twice sf

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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into a reaction of self doubt about whether or not I was doing the right thing in making a decision to not give out the juice boxes.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself stop breathing and participate in thoughts like “why didn’t he ask why? Why just storm off like that over a juice box?” “____ needs to grow up he’s in his sixties” and “I don’t care if he does not come back I have always been prepared to do this without volunteers.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fall into just feeling bad about this decision and these thoughts and not actually sticking within a practical format and trusting myself within my original intention behind my choice.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fall again on the point of requiring another being’s view of me to matter in such that I would always prefer to have everyone around me like and accept me.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not stand up for myself within my decisions and remain stable in doing so instead I crumble within myself and do not see how I am giving into this system of needing others approval of me to be able to function within my own view of myself.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for taking another being’s view of the situation as offensive and threatening and allowing this person’s view to trigger this opening of the floodgates for me to go into many mind reactions, thoughts, and doubts.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to let these thoughts completely take over me to the point where even within within breathing I was unsuccessful within bringing myself back here.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react within anger to this self doubt and try to justify my point to the other being and take a very defensive position in why instead of just calmly stating why I made that decision.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to now see how this particular point has to do a lot with another point of how I interact with this co worker in which I am constantly finding myself questioned and instructed by the other being and not being ok within myself when the authority is presented.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not position myself as the author of my experience in which I start to take another beings opinion as guidebook on how I should behave and not realizing that they may have a entirely different set of motivations and reasoning behind why they are doing things a certain way.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to automatically jump on the defence when faced when this being voiced her opinion of me and did not stop to understand and realize that this is only her opinion and own set of values speaking.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not stop long enough to actually just look at what was being said instead of defining myself within and as what was being said.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that within the reactions there is some point of clearly not being ok with myself or what I am doing still.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be at odds within myself within working at the shelter in which I do not want to disappoint the clients and residents, but do not want to go outside the parameters of my job because of repercussions and torn on a point of morality within giving and not giving poor quality, nutrient deficient food to poor and sick people.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that at this point there is no sense in being caught up in any sort of morality within what is being given out or what the clients are choosing to put in their bodies vs what we are receiving as donations and giving out, but coming to the conclusion that what is really the point here is whether or not I am able to look past my own personal beliefs, am able to become effective within myself daily, and stop my mind.

 

Self corrective statements to follow.

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