117. 116 continued.

 

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to stand within and as a difficulty to maintain a steady commitment to myself within writing daily.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the excuse that because it was my birthday that I am allowed or can reward myself with not writing my blog.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for standing within the viewpoint that writing my blog is something that is a labour or a form of homework from high school which I do not want to do.

 

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing my writing to be the intimacy that I create and express to myself for myself.

 

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to cover up laziness with a sense of justifications about relaxing at home when it is actually unnecessary where I do not really need to relax persay but am just looking to not do anything that involves applying myself to me.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see the importance within learning to have self intimacy daily where this point of self trust is rooted in and that any changes in the world will come through beings who have stood up within themselves and developed this self intimacy.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see how this self intimacy is really pushed to the side when I reduce my self writing and self investigation to the level of chore in the wake of events such as my birthday which are in actually just another day.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not really understand that there will never be another “birthday” in this life and that there is only days that come and go and the important point to focus on is the content in what principles I uphold and stand for within each of those days.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to push back my writing into a category of less importance while using my birthday as the reason when clearly this is not the reason because this is a issue the comes up every week when I am faced with time off when I am not facing a deadline. which is really saying that I am unable to motivate myself to look into myself but require some external source to push me to become intimate with myself.

 

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see how there underlying point of avoidance as I have not accepted writing to be something that I want to do, and do not fully accept the words as who I am at that point communicating with me. Instead I am to get through it most of the time within articulation.

 

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to slow myself down and really look at what I am doing when I just reduce this self intimate activity to something that just needs to be done, which is losing most of the actual validity within what I am saying and much self doubt and difficulty arises.

 

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to understand this point before and only finding myself able to notice of wanting to address this issue after my birthday party in which I classified missing my writing as a valid reason within me.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that each of those days off in which I do not apply myself within my daily self intimacy I do not make justifications for and actually just avoid looking at, where in I will take up my time with other things or not doing anything instead wasting time essentially.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see how this world cannot afford me to waste my time when in fact there is countless things to be done.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold myself back through the wasting of time as to not stand out within this process in which in some strange dichotomy I do not want to be noticed or exposed so much but at the same time see the value and would like to participate as much as I can, so facing a split of interests within myself.

 

Ok I am going to stop here for now as I am out of time.

 

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