118. Continuing

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself not realize that this split of interest is me only viewing the sitation within and as a point of knowledge or projection of what the world could turn out or look like within equality and oneness and not actually taking the steps within myself or not wanting to because I find that road to hard and ardous.

I forgive muself for not accepting and allowing myself to form this intimacy within myself from the get go within walking this process in which I could have started with a view of myself in which I an see that I am a individual within the whole, and from there start to participate naturally intead of viewing myself from the outside looking in and gathering knowledge yet not exploring and sharing myself and forming a habit of segregation within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to constantly think that I am catching up and from there finding that the task is to much, or pointless because I am behind, an in that totally missing the point of self intimacy and self honesty because I have only learned to judge and gauge myself in terms of where other people are at and viewing them as being so far ahead and that I am behind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that where I am at in my process is a boring or unimportant, repetitive thing in which I wish was over and not seeing how this is again taking this intimacy into a realm of homework instead of being a form of communicating with myself and getting to understand me for me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to allow the ego to constantly interject in this process in bringing to the forfront all of the other points that I would rather be doing within my day and experence and not stopping to recognize that these are actally diversions created to keep me from really experiencing me within myself as me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to stand in and as the fear of losing myself through self exploration in which I would have to “give in” and “give up” all of the things that I define myself to like or enjoy to be able to free mysef from my mind. Not stopping for a second and realizing that I as this process is not denial but actualy a process of “giving in” to myself my real self within and as equality and oneness with life where I can actually stand as a creating a version of myself where I respect me, trust me, and really become effective within the way that I represent myself within my actions and words.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold myself back on the basis that I tend to view my experiences within a view “entrepenuerial” viewpoint where I live in the future, and imagine what could be, and not developing and not wanting to develop the other parts of the equation which is to be able to sort and organize this process and to actually want to walk through it practically. And such get stuck at the crossroads of actually wanting to put in the time actually doing it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to thing that somehow I will just get there without applying myself in real time.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to become a practical planner of my days and come up with a flexible way to fit all of my requirements into it where I am really satisfing all of the aspects of myself, where everything gets done yet there is time for relaxing and time to focus on intimacy with my partner as well.

Tbc.

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One thought on “118. Continuing

  1. Enjoyed examining this, very good stuff, thankyou . While thou livest keep a good tongue in thy head. by William Shakespeare. bgdadakdfddk

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