119. 116. continued.

 

 

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that through effective planning and effective time management I can really make my days full from the perspective of achieving everything that I set out to accomplish.

 

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that this will lead into the experience of myself learning to make the most of myself in all situations and not let myself slide just because of the emotional response of “I don’t feel like it”, and instead seeing and realizing the value in doing it for myself no matter what happens.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel guilt when faced with a point in which I do not fully push myself through and realize that in those moment this is signifying that I am just not fully there yet and that this will come and develop through time and that I should not live within this as discouragement or guilt as this will only perpetuate more of the same system.

 

And so when and as I see myself falling on the point of self motivation I stop myself and breathe realizing that while this is a process i actually have to participate within my own accord to move with any kind of actuality. That treating this like homework or any kind of chore that I need to push myself to complete is missing the point and so I commit myself to actually work and push myself through these resistances and see that despite the day, the intimacy that writing can gift to myself is something that should be cherished within myself at this time.

 

I commit myself to expose myself to me so as to take charge in my life and really push myself to stop the systems of wanting to become someone special, I breathe when faced with these points of wanting to superior and commit myself to see the other beings within existence as one and equal with me, as me.

 

I commit myself to realize that the practical application of my writing is proof to myself that I am taking the necessary steps in bringing myself back one and equal with life and that no amount of writing will change me unless it is walked through into a practical reality.

 

I commit myself to see that difference and change myself within my approach to writing in which when I write it is simply me communicating with me and that regarding it within the context of a task or undesirable will always lead and end with a contradiction within me.

 

When and as I see myself living within this contradiction I stop myself and breath, realizing that I am out of alignment within my view of myself, and bring myself back here within the words that I write and within the words that I speak.

 

When and as I see myself living in direct comparison with others walking there own process I stop myself and breathe and realize that within this journey back to life there will most definitely be others that are at a different stage then I am and that this is not a reason to become emotional or react in jealousy.

 

Instead I commit myself to see those that have walked before me as leaders from the perspective of placing out the path in front of me so I do not have to make mistakes that I may, or most certainly have made on my own.

 

When and as I see myself living within a fear of a projected image of myself in the future I stop myself and breathe and bring myself back into the present moment realizing that this moment is really that only thing that actually exists and that the unfettered projection creations that I make for myself whether they are + or – are actually only taking place in my mind.

 

So I commit myself to stop the projections that I hold myself to and reconsider that what is important is how I am viewing myself within this present moment and living within the principles of equality and oneness in this moment because otherwise I will create systems of self judgement through the expectations of those future projections.

 

When and as I find myself in a experience of guilt within not getting around to my writing or responsibilities for the day I stop myself and breathe and remind myself that this is the way of the mind to entrap me further in which the reaction of feeling guilty creates friction within me and will not support an actuality of self expression within this process but rather a split personality with the starting point anchored within guilt.

 

And so I commit myself to stop the guilt and actually communicate with myself from the starting point of self care and trust within myself instead of only doing this because a guilty party says I should, learning once and for all that self expression is walking this process and not just words.

 

When and as I see myself running short on patience and becoming frustrated within how I experience myself within my process and writing, I stop myself and breathe and realize that this is really a point of committing to myself within and as all of what my mind is going to put in front of me and that it requires the will to persevere whenever I am faced with this point of not wanting to continue and as such I commit myself to recall these points when I am afraid of continuing onward because my mind is presenting me with situations and scenarios that I would otherwise fall back on.

 

I commit myself to know that I am strong enough to move myself through this process and commit to the softness and patience with self that it will entail throughout all of my mistakes within it.

 

Thanks.

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