121. Taking on Mom pt 2.

 

 

So I did not wake up early this morning so I am continuing this now.

 

Sooo,

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to stand apart from my mother within and as belief systems where I would like my mother to see things from the my own perspective, essentially wanting to fix her pain and suffering through the exchange of knowledge and information.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself within a past experience with my Mother where I am holding myself in a view of improvement when facing interactions with my mother instead of remain here in the breathe without compromise and under the guise of making progress.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing my history and experience within the way that I was brought up to dictate how I deal with and feel like I need to communicate with my mother.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel as if I need to shield her from herself where I slip into a point of wanting her to see herself, and not realizing that the change that I would like to see in others MUST come through myself first in which I am able to maintain myself through stopping my mind and not participating in thoughts, feelings, emotions and judgements when faced with interactions with her.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel as if this relationship is more important the any other relationship especially the one that I have with myself.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself within the idea of holding relationships, and not realizing that the relationships that I am attempting to hold on to are actually ones that support the mind.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see how this is a matter of remaining present and that any kind of desire to have another being to see or change through my words is actually taking the interaction out of context of expression into the realm of self interest where I am looking to support my own mind’s survival.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel anger and resentment when face with my Mom attempting to parent me and not actually seeing how she is showing me the points that still exist within concerning authority and self trust.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not show patience when faced with a situation in which I begin to view with discomfort and not wanting to here negative words, showing that I still stand within fear of negativity and not understanding and accepting where others are at within there lives and realizations.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself by and within my Mother’s life and life choices instead of being able to stand by her within physical support even while recognizing where and how the line is drawn within what she is able to see at this time.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not slow down within my understanding of how this process works and instead desire change to happen instantaneously and not seeing how this is unrealistic and selfish from the perspective that I am still learning and understanding my own self and process.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that my view of the world is of more value then my mothers and not seeing how this is only a perception of how I understand the Desteni message to be within a recollection of knowledge and information.

 

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to actually be a living example of the Desteni message where I can stand within myself with no reactions and no movement when faced with another being telling me how I am and what I represent even though I realize that what I am being told is said within the mind of another.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel as if I am required to stand my ground and that it is absolutely necessary to convince my mother to see that she is operating within a state of ego and not see that I am only seeing the reflection of myself within the interaction. Instead of letting it go and being able to stand calm within myself.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize the point in which I am able to stand one and equal with my mother even when it is clear that the mind of another is active within the words of another, realizing that I do not need the other being to understand where I am coming from to be one and equal with them, in fact the point is that we are already one and equal and the idea that we are not is actually the manifestation of mind within myself as well.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to buy in to the trap of family, in which I am allowing myself to place a higher priority or expectation of myself within how I deal with those who share the same DNA as me not realizing that for most part this will be MORE difficult to navigate within my particular situation.

 

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing this difficulty as a point of understanding and realization within how I conduct myself with family and see how this will take time and consistency on my part to become effective in.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing this point to become and remain a point of self pity within my experience where I start to fall within a depression of “poor me” mentality and that I have identified myself with a very negative stance within how I view having to deal with my Parents.

 

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see this point as a point of strength within me and provided me with the ability to actually see myself more clearly throughout my life and allowed me to be open to the message of equality and oneness.

 

Tbc.

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