123. Taking on Mom pt 3.

 

 

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to stand in patience of others to the point where I am reluctant to even deal with another being by returning a phone call or by being willing to here them in conversations.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel that the time that is spent listening to my Mother is time that is wasted because I feel helpless to know how to assist and support her effectively, and accept and allowing this to manifest as fear and frustration within me.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to remain in those end points of reaction to all of the situations that are having to do with my mother because of the history that I share with her.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use that history as a self definition where I am requiring myself to take what my Mom’s words for some kind of hope value in the sense where I want to believe her when she says that she unconditionally loves me, but recognizing that this is actually a point of self interest most likely.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fall from this point of wanting to be accepted and care about by my parents yet coming from the other side of the coin where I start to compare what is being said with what has been done and I do not trust the other, which is actually saying that I do not trust myself to stand within the point and principle of being equal and one with the other.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see how this is actually leading to a breakdown of communication between my mother and I because we are both acting within the point of knowledge and information still in the form of beliefs, thoughts, emotions, and feelings when it comes to how we interact and not accepting myself to see the point of remaining here and not defining myself by anything that is being spoken of the mind of other beings, simply remaining here within myself and not invested in the information.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel guilty at the prospect of this idea of pretending that I agree with the things that she is saying because I fear that if I do not hold my position and fight for my opinion and understanding with her that I am losing myself and part of me is dying.

 

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself as the realization that at this point I have yet to have really live within the context of being actually one and equal to life within the fullest extent of my potential.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see how this whole idea of wanting my Mother to understand is really a next layer of who I am accepting and allowing myself to define myself as within my ego’s requirement to feel sated, not stopping myself to see that within this that actually accepting myself as life requires no one else to see or realize me as the expression of life.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize the point that actually standing up is sometimes letting go of the point of trying to converse with another being and that the best and most common sense action in certain cases is to just walk my own process and work towards becoming a stable living example of equality and oneness with life.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself within the point of viewing myself as the creator of pain for my mother and existing with the guilt from that self view, and from there creating a anger point in attempt justify my actions from 10 years ago by living within the eye for an eye mentality of blame.

 

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that the being is really only showing themselves within their expression of their own feelings and emotions about themselves projected outwards towards me and that I should not be taking these things personally ever, instead to stand as support for that person if they are able to see in any willingness to change themselves.

 

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize and be ok with the fact that many of the situations and emotions/reactions that are being brought up with my Mother are from the past and as such will inevitably take much time to work through and that I cannot look for magic word to say that will snap her out of it or make her see. But rather committing myself to breathe and take each point with care and and with a point of understanding that this may or may not work out and that is not up to me to make the changes for another but only be there as support as their equal, standing as and within that as myself.

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