So after today I have somewhat come to some more realizations on my situation that happened yesterday. I had one of the beings who I have previously had a altercation with and written about came into the kitchen today and started to tell me a little about his story, in that moment I recognized the point that some of these people are just not supported, and that I cannot support them from the perspective of solving anything for them, yet if I am able stop myself from living in reactions and judgements and really here then that this is actually a form of support.
And so, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not stop and listen to the moment and instead of living in a desire to change/help another being, having the discipline to actually know when it is necessary to voice myself and when it is actually only my mind wanting to create a experience for myself where I can say that I helped.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become self righteous where I start to believe that I know what is best for another being when actually I have not really even figured out what is best for myself yet.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to become comfortable within myself in silence and understand that I do not need to feel like I need to fill the space with noise that actually is a manifestation of me being unaware of the moment and what this moment is actually calling for within equality and oneness within it here.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not accept other beings as they are and instead focus on what they apparently need to fix within themselves and from there completely separate from self.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see the other being as one with myself and allow myself to put myself fully into the other beings shoes and only seeing things from my own perspective and expectations in which everyone is open for advice and change.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take a beings reactions personally where in I became offended by the other being when he yelled at me, not seeing how this is something that I cannot actually know or understand the real reason for and see that this not knowing why or this failure to fix the issue is what is really bothering me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to continue to still hold myself within a position of wanting people to open up to me for advice and still wanting to direct people within there lives, not seeing that within this is actually a point of not trusting self within my own process and need to output knowledge and information to make myself feel complete.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing to not see and realize that knowledge and information really is useless without the application of it in my daily life. If I cannot prove to myself that I am actually a changed being by containing myself when the situation does not call for anything to be shared and voiced then I have not actually learned anything about the nature of this process.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to be able to accept that another being is not ready to start working on themselves and that some beings will not be able to work on themselves until a long time. Because of the pre-programmed nature of humanity that many events will have to play out in real time before many will be able to effectively see the cause for walking this process. And in the meantime when I see myself becoming attached and invested to the idea that everyone must see this point now I stop myself and breathe, really seeing that I did not find myself walking in any sort of consistency until very recently myself and so stopping the blame and judgement towards beings who at this point in the process of earth are in a position of very little support and understanding of what is happening to them within their experiences and their own minds.
I commit myself to understand that I cannot for myself to be able to support these beings but rather to make myself available, yet realizing that sometimes I just need to remain silent and not try and push a moment in a direction that I see to have value and see that this is really just a formation of value created in my mind within ego and does not support equality and oneness.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing my own self interest in the situation rule the outcome of it, where I was looking to maintain a specific time to leave work and allowed myself to feel frustrated and anxious when the pace was not being kept up with, not seeing the effect my impatience was having on the other being where I actually was not making myself available to the other being in space time where I support him in where he is at rather then holding him within my standards in washing the dishes.
I forgive myself for not seeing how I accepted and allowed myself to continue pushing the being even after I could see that he was becoming flustered and anxious to the point where I was basically predicting that he would not be able to handle it and blow up.
When and as I see myself getting impatient with another being when confronted with a mental illness within a being where there ability to maintain my own level of standards within activities and work, I stop, breathe, and bring myself back here remembering that this being is me with no exception that I may not be able to make a difference in any way that will substantially improve their life be being able to give them time and patience is at least showing myself that I am able to put in the time with a being unconditionally. Wherein this instance I did not.
I commit myself to give time to people who become intertwined within my experience as a point of supporting them despite it being something that I would otherwise not necessarily be of a standard that I hold myself to.
I commit myself to live the principle of equality and oneness with every being despite where they stand and how the experience themselves withing their experience when the situation is obvious that they are facing a difficult time within their mental state. Realizing that some people cannot be supported through words but actually require patience mainly.
Thanks that’s all for tonight. I will pick it up again tomorrow.