129. Starting to dig pt 2. Why is nothing good?

 

 

So I would like to continue down the same sort of direction that I was walking in the last post, but from the perspective of preconceived idea’s that I’m having about this process and what I’m actually doing.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to view and judge the process of becoming clear within myself as something that is “good”,”noble”,”admirable”.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see how defining myself withing these point is actually a deterrent from making progress because I am not actually living me honestly in every moment.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see how the point comes forth from a future idea projection of myself and does not actually reflect what is happening now in this moment.

 

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing this point of actual self realization and self honest to come through as something that will not and cannot be anticipation, only participated in.

 

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to desire this change within me so much that I feel bad on some level about where I am and from that I see and hold the nothingness with a reverence and anticipation.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not understand that this cannot be obtained.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel trapped because I cannot obtain my own freedom from the mind not realizing that that desire to obtain is the actual trap.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to beat myself up from the perspective that I do not actually accept myself and hold myself in judgement against something that cannot be obtained, wondering what if I am trying to grasp at something I cannot grab, and then from there holding myself in a disappointed self view.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that joy is a indication of success within this process.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that this joy that I am experiencing is actually a point of a emotional reaction in which I am actually scared of the moment and the point of existing within nothingness and not actually accepting the moment within self honest and living within breathe alone.

 

Continuing in the next blog.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s