130. Starting to dig pt 3, becoming ok with me now.

 

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to self sabotage myself at every turn to keep myself within these experiences of self limitation so as to keep the mind alive within me.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that the point of not wanting to face myself is actually a indication of viewing myself as less then myself.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not actually live within the understanding that the points of separation that I have accepted and allowed are actually me from that perspective and that I am able to take full responsibility for myself and from there allow myself to step forth from these points, where in what I have been doing is standing separate from these systems that I have created and seen them as a/the enemy.

 

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to stand one and equal to my mind where I am able to see what I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself by and not be afraid or become angry within myself because of that reaction of being afraid, and actually seeing the points that come up as simply a indication of where I am still and where I need to apply myself within my process.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to prolong this process by living within and as these repeating time loops and not actually facing myself within the context of actually forming a stable structured regime within how to apply myself within my writing and within my process as a whole.

 

So, how I see this is that everything that I am experiencing is actually just a manifestation of where I am at within this journey and that I should not be getting caught up so much on the fact that I haven’t become perfected yet, so when and as I see myself becoming so entrenched within the concept and desire of perfecting myself I stop myself and breathe remembering that this is the stability point within all of this and if I am not breathing then I am in the mind. I commit myself to realize that this task will take a long time of commitment to myself and strength of will in stopping myself in each moment that I find myself drifting and bring myself back here.

 

I commit myself to stand one equal to my mind where I do not see it as the enemy but actually as a teacher of me where I still am allowing and accepting separation to exist within me, utilizing my mind as a indication that I still have to keep walking and not a foe to be vanquished, which would make the whole point of this about conquest rather then self realization.

 

Ok Im going to bed for the night and will pick this up when I wake up and post this when it is finished up.

 

Alright so picking up.

 

When and as I see myself living within a preconceived notion that this process is something that is good and something to hold in admiration I stop myself and breathe realizing that this notion is actually a point of my mind creating a idea that I need to aspire to because I in fact do not see myself as worthy of equality and oneness.

 

I commit myself to stop the aspirations that are existent within me.

 

I commit myself to see that idea of being worthy or not is actually a point of my mind attempting to hold me in self judgement where I do not trust myself to walk this process out despite the results.

 

I commit myself to see how the aspirations of the mind are not in fact real but a metaphorical carrot to keep me walking around.

 

When and as I see myself actively pursuing an idea in which to create the perfection of myself I stop myself and breathe, realizing in that moment that any idea’s about what the perfect me looks like, sounds like, or acts like, are all just mind creations, and that the only point that is real is physical reality around me.

 

I commit myself to take on this system of lusting after a perfect idea of myself.

 

I commit myself to realize that the point of self realization will not be something that I can plan out.

 

I commit myself to realize that this will not be something that I can experience because I want to or because I am putting effort into.

 

I commit myself to be patient with self and just walk this process because I realize that this is something that is a point of developing self trust over the course of a process.

 

I commit myself to stop the feelings of disappointment with myself because I have not perfected myself yet.

 

I commit myself to see how the main point here is to develop a consistent structure with myself so I can actually start trusting myself without fail in my daily routine, making this process a actual integration into self intimacy of who I would like myself to become.

 

I commit myself to walk the talk, wherein the point of actuality within this process is the application of it in my daily life where I do not just write out these words hoping/waiting for change but actually become the change within real time of the writing taking place where I can see and do what I am realizing within me.

 

I commit myself to see that all the changes will not be instantaneous and that I will continue to experience all sorts of points of reactions/fear/habitual behavior, until I am able to walk through them each, one point at a time, realizing that this transcendence will be gradual in nature and that it will take time so the point of always remaining patient and remaining soft with myself is supportive.

 

I commit myself to integrate what I am presented with in my dip course into my blogs so I can gradually practice and learn a more effective structure to my writing to practically assist and support myself through out this process and see how that structure can really speed up this process through specificity.

 

Thanks, I am out of time for now.

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