So what I have noticed about this system is that I have really have defined myself throughout my life by what others think of me. Yet to the point where I convinced myself that I do not care and actually ostracized myself from others within my world.
So when and as I see myself living within a system of automatic self judgement where I base my self definition on what others are saying about me I stop myself and breathe and realize that I do not need others acceptance of me as a basis for me to feel ok within myself. I realize that I do not need to live within a system of trying to make up for a low sense of self worth with others being thinking and telling me that I am worthy, but instead I commit myself to understand and live by a understanding within myself simply to be here within breathe not trying to be more or less then anyone or anything else, remaining ok with being one and equal with creation as life.
When and as I see myself valuing my experiences with other beings to the point where I take on a new character with each different being to fit that being as to elicit a reaction of acceptance from the other being I stop myself and breathe and understand that in doing such I am not actualizing myself here, within breathe and as the actual expression of myself as life.
I commit myself to remain here within breathe when faced with other beings so as to create a stable, self trusting version of myself which is real and able to stand up for and as life in any situation instead of flipping around in each situation.
When and as I see myself experiencing fear within myself from not being able to let go of this desire for acceptance I stop myself and breathe and see how this is actually a system from my past where in my childhood I experienced this fear within the the group of my peers where I did not see or allow myself to feel worthy of acceptance from them.
I commit myself to see that I am not this experience from my childhood and see how that this carry over into my adult life is actually the remnants of a self depreciation of self worth from early childhood.
I commit myself to stop living within this self definition of low self worth and actually start to live within a understanding of myself here equal and one with all as life.
When and as I see myself looking at myself as being a good person in comparison of other beings whom I deem and judge to behave rebellious or bad and from there equate that behavior as edgy and cool and from there place myself within a inferior category because I do not see myself as having courage enough to step outside the bounds, when I see myself seeing myself through this filter I stop myself and breathe and realize that there is no actual difference between myself or another being in reality yet the only real point of differentiation would be if one is living within oneness and equality with all life.
I commit myself to stop the needless comparison of right and wrong, cool and lame, and realize that all I need to focus on is remaining here present in self honest understanding, living within oneness will life being the only real reality.
When and as I see myself buying into the concepts of winner and loser, and that to be a winner is to gain acceptance and the loser is to become outcast, I stop myself and breathe and understand that I do not need to prove myself to anyone or anything other then myself here as life to actually make something of actual value and integrity.
When and as I see myself thinking that physical prowess within sports and skateboarding is the way to gain acceptance from others because I think that acceptance is something that has to be won, I stop myself and breathe realizing that this is the same mentality that is used within the entire history of mankind on this planet where one group of beings dominates another to gain the losers acceptance of there superiority, always through conflict or contest.
I commit myself to see that I do not have to live within this paradigm, understanding that to gain real self respect and self honour I need to develop a understanding and practice of self realization and develop myself as a being one and equal with life, a not try to be more because I feel I am less.
When and as I see myself exonerating other beings within my experience because I have never gifted myself with the ability to just trust myself, I stop myself and breathe, understanding that this point of placing others before me is a by product of never actually trusting myself my whole life and constantly looking to and leaning on others for support and my own sense of self.
I commit myself to always try to stand on my own two feet and walk forward on within myself understanding that support is something that can be most effective if I actually have a self definition that starts within and remains a point of equality and oneness with any being supporting me and with life itself.
When and as I see myself living within a totally absorbed manner in which I have not been able to conceive who I would be without certain beings acceptance of me I stop and breathe seeing that this is just a point of self distrust on a greater and more invested gradient, of which is really only saying that I feel inferior to some people more then others.
I commit myself to understand that this system functions as a hierarchy within myself where I place people who are close to me or people that I know as being more important to please and maintain acceptance from then other people where acceptance is preferable but not as necessary to maintain a positive self definition.
I commit myself to see who I am behind this system of desiring acceptance, giving myself the will to stand within breathe here and not waver within the idea that I am worthless because others are not giving me a sense of false value within myself.
I commit myself to live as life here, equal and one, not allowing myself to fall for the trap of self definition within personality which is not stable within attachments and self disillusionment of differing values, but to remain as breathe, understanding that these points do not and cannot exist if I am here within breathe in each moment commit to myself as me as life.