137. Re: Man in a cave. 

Again I am returning after a time away from my blog. I read a blog post from Marlen that has put some perspective into what I am facing at this point. But also I was listening to a interview called “The detail and specificity of the Desteni process” this really sparked a few queries into what I have been doing within my own blog.

 

Looking a little deeper at myself and within what I have been coming up within in my DIP course I am finding that I am still somewhat trying to fit in to the group through my writing. I have not fully found or realize my own sense of commitment to myself within this process. So the common sense that I see is to really once and for all find out who am I within this life that I am living. I am not saying that my blog so far has been totally worthless but for sure most of the point of it has been from a unclear starting point. It’s difficult for me to admit to myself because I am within a belief that I do not enjoy starting over, that I do not enjoy this process of self honesty. It’s to hard and long, and most of me so far has been within a starting point of pulling teeth.

 

But looking at this objectively I am really, to reference another, “a man in a cave”. So really there is nothing that is really wrong with this I just need to finally find the self commitment to want to understand what is outside this cave of my mind.

 

I have been really experiencing myself within a stressful state lately, in terms of not really know what I am doing within this process, I can see how this not know is just a point of not unwillingness to look. When I am self honest I know that I have the answer because I have tried it out for myself, it just that I have not become consistent. Today at work I started to just say forgiveness aloud after days of worrying about this process, not being able to really figure it out. I can see where it always is a choice to be self honest in the moment or to experience the mind, it’s just extremely difficult at this stage because its like every second there are thoughts, feelings, emotions, etc.

 

Within the interview that I was listening to there was a point made that self forgiveness is to be said everywhere and that the blog is but a reflection on the day’s forgiveness. Within my blog at present it was made apparent that the blog has been the end all of this process for me. I have not actually been living this process outside of the blog and my course so far. This has opened up a point of starting a new blog or continuing with this one I am not quite sure what I am going to do at this stage, but am looking to just continue in this new direction of understanding of application within myself. It has been a long road to this point so I do not really want to continue on the same path I have always been on.

 

Alright I will leave this for tonight and continue tomorrow.

 

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