139. Games over me.

 

 

So continuing with my last post, I noticed that today there was quite a bit of resistance to get down to writing again.

 

I notice that getting back into the swing of things is a bit difficult each time that I am away from writing. Because I get pulled into meaningless stuff during my days and I do not pull myself away effectively.

 

So,

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to waste time during my day on things that have no really value when it comes to creating myself as a living expression of myself here.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place value within entertainment to the point where it become obsession and not actually a point to enjoy myself within.

 

For example I like to play a particular computer game, but what I have been noticing is that this game can take up a lot of my time and occupying my mind quite a bit. which is really quite silly because what is this saying that I just want to stay preoccupied with a game when I can and should be looking into how to participate in a way of life where I do not feel like I need to be preoccupied.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become totally enthralled within and as a video game and not allow myself to see that this is actually taking me over within and as a point of obsession.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that that I need to have time for entertainment where I actually believe and feel like the amount of time that I am spending within entertainment is normal.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see how this habit of putting entertainment first within my life has always resulted in consequences where I miss out on opportunities to really experience myself.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing this pattern to exist within and as me through my life since a young kid, where I would rather be entertained in the mind instead of taking on myself seriously.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not want to admit to myself that I have a problem with distraction and procrastination.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to miss out on the real me as life through allowing myself to be here now and not existing off somewhere in some processor of a computer somewhere.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to subconsciously feel like I am bad for playing a game or watching sports when in fact it is the point of not allowing myself to see the patterns where I dive deeper into the distractions because I feel that I am bad for entertaining those points.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not notice how I totally forget to breathe when I am held within the game where even within that I am not present.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a game to hold such power over me that I am not able to enjoy the game as one and equal as me in expression.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to lost my awareness of myself within my body when I am playing games to the point where I am not even aware of what is reasonable amount of time to play a game for and just letting it go deep into the night and into the next day.

 

Well on that note I will sign off for now and continue with self commitment statements tomorrow.

 

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