143. More Forgiveness on 141.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that this is matter of pushing myself where I see myself in areas that I am not seeing that I am effective.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see how the effectiveness of my process can be improved through saying forgiveness out loud and engaging myself in the moment.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize how support within this practice is actually the ability to see where I am effective and clear within my forgiveness in real time, realizing that if I am clear my words will be clear.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that this will not happen over night but will take place over time with practice and some effort.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience guilt when I do not say self forgiveness out loud right away because somewhere in me I know that this is all a point of choice to participate in the mind or not.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to trust in myself to say my forgiveness as things come up due to a preconception that my mind is to complex to tackle in real time, and give in to the point by letting it pass, and in that letting the moment have power over me, and experience guilt.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to just expect the easy way to be effective when it is not the easy way that will walk this process effectively, I will have to walk this process for myself at some point with focus, and brutal self honesty.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to secretly exist in fear of letting go of the mind and thus do not actually want to apply myself effectively.a

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel as if somehow in giving up the mind through self forgiveness I am going to lose myself as what I have always know myself to be.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see and realize that as life I have never really known who I am, and that everything that I have built up as a idea of who I am in my mind is actually something that is not real.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to come to terms with that point to the degree in which I am willing to actually let that go and move forward within this process to the next step of self support.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to continuously exist within a limbo point within myself where I hold myself within a constant experience of not really applying fully and only going so far to apply myself within this process.

So basically what I have realized is that there is some fear based within the voicing of myself within self forgiveness, I have not really wanted to face myself within that aspect of my process yet where that would mean stepping beyond just setting aside a hour or so a day to write this blog and to actually take that step of integrating this as the natural way of living myself daily.

This I can see is a unwillingness to let go of the mind in those moments and stand up within me to direct myself in real time, standing instead in a point of not wanting to actually put in the effort or time in to address the points as they arise.

So I will be continuing with my self corrective statements in my next post.

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