148. Realizing my own responsibility.

So continuing with my last post more in the direction of who I am within how I react to this other being.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see the other being as one and equal with me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not putting myself in the the others beings eyes and realizing that what they are going through.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to only exist within anger and frustration when faced with this other being.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see how initially I reacted with attraction when first encountering her in the shelter.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not recognize this system of what I consider to be beautiful in this world where I still buy into and hold “skinny” as the standard of beauty.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see how that standard of beauty actually manifests these diseases within the world and adhering to and upholding that standard within myself is supporting that.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to support Anorexia and Bulimia within this world through giving energy to and existing within a mind system that take stock in the beauty of skinny.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not understand that for women (or men) to maintain that scope of body image that invariably many will not be eating a proper range of nutrition.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not care about that and only really see what is happening on skin level, and not really looking at the bigger picture of what is healthy for the human body to exist in but actually only exist within and as a mind system who automatically just judges and either dismiss women as being attractive or not, and within this based on their image category of skinny, etc

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ignore the consequences that upholding this standard of beauty within society has on females within the world and just living within and as my own personal world where I deem one person as being more beautiful then the next, living in totally unacceptable ignorance of my actions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to really only behave within self interest not taking into consideration what a fixation on perfect body image actually supports within this world and within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing this person to actually trigger anger and frustration because I am faced with that consequence in reality, seeing first hand that the effects of a “skinny” standard of beauty actually can manifest into disease for some people.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see for the first time that just passively accepting this standard within me is contributing and upholding these diseases within society.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not put any/less value into people if there image does not hit a particular range within me, and realize that the range is rooted and based within a anorexic standard.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see how this person’s choices really have no effect on me really but have actually only brought to the surface the points of facing these systems of what I find attractive within women, and realizing that they are not acceptable.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to delude myself into thinking that what she is doing is effecting me in some way but really what is happening is that she has become a representation of what I am accepting and allowing to still exist within me and the anger and frustration is the friction that is generated through a breakdown within my delusion.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to delude myself in the thinking that girls that are skinny must be (more) perfect on the inside because they are aware of there bodies, what they are consuming and how much, when in reality this is just another delusion placing value in one thing/person over another again because of image and pictures in this case.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see and regard all others as equal and one with myself regardless of what other people do or what their image looks like.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing this pre-programmed system to run through-out my life wherein growing up I accepted and allowed myself to be indoctrinated into the paradigm of what the mass media world was feeding me as what is “beautiful” and what is “ugly”.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see how I was/have been brainwashed into believing in diet regimes/exercise routines as the pathway to a healthy image and not actually see how this starting point of basing everything out of and as the image of one’s body to be the end all to why we do things.

I forgive myself to be swept up within the dichotomy of the equation where within myself I have bought into the belief that men are supposed to eat more and grow muscle and women are supposed to eat less and get skinny.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see the point of simply supporting and assisting ones body to function properly and in learning and understanding the effects of certain foods on the body from a homeopathy perspective.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see how these sub-conscious patterns are actually afflicting me in my daily interactions with others and not really fully allowing myself to experience myself as equal and one with them at all.

Ok I will continue in the next post.

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