159. Ultimate sacrifice.

So I was watching this sci-fi television series and this this scene came up where this whole group of people volunteered to sacrifice themselves so the greater majority of people might live on. I noticed myself becoming emotional inside and “touched” by this notion of personal self sacrifice and in that moment I had a realization about myself where I am venerating this ideal of putting ones life on the line to save other beings or to give another a chance at life.
 From there I started to ask myself but why does this touch me so much? I realized in that moment it was because it is something that I am lacking within myself. That experience of giving up myself to “save” another. I am unable to recreate that experience in my own life and so I am touched by the sacrifice that this represents in film and other stories I have heard about, because this seems noble to me. But also within this I noticed that this particular representation of sacrifice could be seen as one that is a easier option then what I as a “normal” being lives out in daily life where I have no one in my immediate vicinity to sacrifice myself for to save from imminent doom. Instead I am faced with a relatively ordinary experience. With nothing threatening me at this time or anyone that I know, so what is left but me and my personality. From this I noticed that this is a more difficult pill to swallow because what would be the ultimate sacrifice besides physical death of oneself in service to another? The death of one’s ego in service to the restoration of life.
 I can see how I am deluded in the thinking that sacrificing ones life could help others in a specific scenario. But never really looking at the point of putting my personality as the ego up as sacrifice to once and for all stand for equality as life. Instead looking to just be seen as a being that would sacrifice my life here in the physical so the problem of separation can continue down the line for another to solve.
 So within this I have learned that this point of becoming emotional at the depiction of sacrifice can be misleading where it triggers a reaction of not taking personal responsibility within myself in who I can recreate myself to be here as life, not seeing how the real sacrifice to consider is simply to let go of self interest and put that up on the block of sacrifice.

And so I forgive myself for becoming emotional reactive to the idea of sacrificing ones physical life for the greater good of mankind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to buy into the romanticism that this represents, in which the idea of passing on the torch of figuring out self is handed over to those that come next in the line of generations.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that this same scenario has for the most part been the case through-out all of human history, where we are actually not willing to address the real point of sacrifice that is require to make actual lasting change a reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to never give myself a chance to explore why I believe this form of sacrifice to be noble, not realizing that on the surface this looks to be the greatest gift that one can give to another, not seeing that when examined closer it does not stand with total integrity because the real issues with still persist and there is no guarantee that this sacrifice will be honored in a productive, or effective way, it is in-fact rooted in hope.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that stories of human sacrifice through-out history have been showing us the point that sacrifice of the few for the many has always been based and define within a structure of established separation within society and that I have never looked at this from the perspective of what can I as a individual do within my life to ensure that in the future such sacrifices will not need to be taken.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself  to see that the story of the sacrifice of Christ for human sins is one the highlights this very point in which we as humanity did not want to face ourselves as what we have accepted and allowed ourselves to become here, and instead choose a martyr to represent this self dishonesty placing all sorts of dogma and superstition in the place of the self honesty that is require to actually become effective and responsible as a human being on this planet.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize within myself that the real point of sacrifice that can make a difference and that has been the case all along is the sacrifice of the separate self, and the recreation of self as all as one as equal without compromise, choosing only those actions and self movements that will benefit all as equal and one here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see that this cycle of abuse will never stop if the point of giving up and sacrificing ones ego is not applied in total self commitment over the course of a process of self deconstruction.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that all previous sacrifice of life in the past will have been it total vanity if the point of said sacrifice is not lived.

And so when and as I see myself allowing myself to just envy the act of sacrificing ones life to pass on the responsibility to the next in line I stop myself and breathe realizing that this in itself is actually a desire to not take and directive ability within how I choose to move myself within this life and am actually only really saying that it would be easier to just give up my spot so the next guy can figure it out because I am to damn lazy/scared/stubborn/etc to figure myself out within this one life that I currently in.

I commit myself to realize that this is actually a total delusion because even if I were to sacrifice my life and pass on the responsibility I would only be passing it on to another manifestation of myself as all life is one and equal, except this would only prolong the process humanities journey back to life.

When as I see myself holding personal self sacrifice as the end all to be all of human heroism I stop myself and breathe and realize that people who genuinely place themselves in danger for the benefit of others in danger indeed can be commended (firemen…) but allowing the idea within myself that sacrificing myself so others may still remain within this reality of separation is actually just a illusion within me to make it seem like I there is a way out of this other then the process of walking myself out of my separation in a daily application.

I commit myself to apply the sacrifice of my ego as the real point of doing something that will make a difference in this world instead of seeing this idea of giving up my life as having value when it actually is only a idea that stimulated a emotional reaction of admiration within me.

I commit myself to work towards making the ultimate sacrifice of giving up self as personality so others in the future need not sacrifice their lives here in the physical.

I commit myself to realize that the only real permanent solution is when each of individual person can see the value in giving up and sacrificing ones ego for the benefit of all here as life one and equal forevermore.

I commit myself to become a advocate within my life in stopping the proliferation of postponement of the sacrifice of separation as life as ego within this world.

I commit myself to realize that this point will always begin within my own life and that I will not be able to become effective until I am stable within myself in a consistent manner walking each moment in breathe.

I commit myself to show myself in each day that I am willing to make the ultimate sacrifice of my ego by walking myself out of the mind I have created throughout my life from birth and recreating myself as life here in the present moment.

I commit myself to realize that this will not be easy and in fact will be much harder and then the sacrifice of ending ones life in a moment, and that this will take time and extensive building of self trust in self honesty, realizing that I will be in a fight with myself until each point of separation can thoroughly be explored.

I commit myself to walk myself free from the desire to just give in to just give up and hand over the torch of response-ability to the next in line.

I commit myself to stop the passing of the line here with myself as myself as all as life as hope for the next generation to figure it out, and realize the I need to become a clear stable human being within me to be able to see real change happen within this world because I will be a active part in making that change real through the sacrifice of myself as ego.

Thank you, good night.

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