163. Paper Skeletons pt 2.

 

I forgive my for accepting and allowing myself to become emotionally reactive to the task of sorting through my paperwork and receipts.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to put off the task of keeping my paper in working order for so long and forming guilt patterns based within this.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be more organized within my life over the years and instead always conducted myself with a very no caring and ignorant attitude towards my finances which allowed and resulted in excessive backlog of receipts and such.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react in disappointment when faced with organizing my entire past within my receipts and papers not wanting to take responsibility for who I have let myself be in just putting this aside for so long.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear looking back because I know that there was points that linked me to the past within all of my papers.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize how this would illuminate the type of person I used to be within my spending habits as well and not just a person who is disorganized but someone who was not able to handle myself within a financially productive manner, and always spending my money emotionally.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold myself within a experience of contempt because of the situation I am into today because of my previous choices with money.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see how this is really a opportunity to learn about obstacles within myself and tendencies that I have be living within my whole life.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to be ok with my situation now and instead move forward with a renewed understanding of who I used to be within my habits when I was much younger and learn from them.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wish that things would be easier within my life now, and not seeing how this desire within me for a easier life is just a projection of a lack of fulfillment through abdication of my life’s directive ability.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give up that ability for a emotional roller coaster ride in which I would splurge all of my money on a thing or a person, and then have to struggle the rest of the time and worry about survival or rely on another human being to support me within my existence until I was able to get money again.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react with guilt when facing this point because I look back on certain situations within the past with family/friends/girlfriends, and notice a pattern of self interest always within the scenario, which played out over time and within how I would spend my money.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to in the past belief that spending money would make me a happy person or make the people around me happy and thus make me happy, without stopping to ask myself what is happiness if is so easily coaxed out through purchases only to be drown out again in sadness and depression.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to stand within the belief that happiness is real and can be sustained forever through consumption. Not realizing that happiness is only a polarity that is sustained within energy and not realizing that the energy will always run out and fluctuate.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize the untrustworthy nature of consumption as a point of personal piece of mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to view myself in the past as stupid from the point of view of where I am standing now and not really stopping to realize that throughout my life I have been changing and continuing to change and that the point to learn from this is that judgement of myself in the past is really just another mind fuck of superior/inferior in nature and needs to stop.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I was naive and not stopping to see how at the time I did not have access to the tools that I am able to utilize today and thus this is why I am experiencing myself as stupid and naive because I was unable to even explore myself effectively at the time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see the point where calling myself naive and stupid in the past is only a point of self judgment that is in direct relation to who I BE-THE-LIvE myself to be today, and not see that this is a direct comparison of then and now which is not real and exists only in the mind.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself the opportunity to grow from this experience instead of comparing myself to it and judging myself, learning how I would conduct myself then and be able to flag point where I am still self sabotaging myself and from there be able to constructively and practically make changes to my life so as not to continue repeating the same reality forever.

Ok that’s all for this moment I will pick it up again tonight.

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