164. Paper skeletons pt 3. Bad memories within giving up.

 

So within the same context to going through my papers/receipts this experience was triggering a lot of old memories to do with my relationships in the past, mainly points where I have been kind of a flake and generally not a respectable person. I can see how there is regret and self judgment there. And a sense of guilt when faced with myself in the past in certain situations. But I notice that much of these situations have to do with a lack of commitment and giving up on myself within the relationship in the times. It’s interesting because I am facing this point of working through all this old paperwork which is a consequence of that same mentality of not committing to a particular way of life/living within my world that would be beneficial for me as well as others around me and within that I am facing memories that come up when taking on this task that are highlighting that same thing again. It just goes to show how my mind has always been a point of control within my life where what I have accepted and allowed within me has always ruled me, and that I have not been a being that has taken the drivers seat and directed myself and my life but it has always been the mind that has been acting in reactions and feelings, and I have succumbed to the will of those thoughts, feelings, and emotions.

And so I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to how the past as a point of self punishment where I do not want to admit to myself that I have made many mistakes.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react in guilt, shame, anger, and resentment towards myself when I am shown proof that those points existed within my past and that I cannot just run away from myself and jump forward without facing myself in the past.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see how this is one pattern of self that is driving both the memories triggered within me and the point that is triggering the memories which is actually a point of non commitment to myself here as this moment as breathe.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to instead take vestige in thoughts, feelings, and emotions, and from there become a being that is not in directive control of my own life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to always be at the whim of my thoughts feelings and emotions and never realizing that this is the root of all of my points of separation within this world where participation in the mind is actually what is causing and reacting to the things that I consider undesirable within my experience.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see how the point of going into any kind of judgement of the experiences that I have had is actually just mind programs that I have running within me and that it is not actually real from the point of who I really am here as life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become a slave to my memories where they are triggering bad feelings about my self view and from there go into thoughts and remorse about how things ended up within my life and how I could handle and behaved differently.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to always give up and give into the experience of down press-ure/ion when facing old memories like I am not able to imagine myself as every becoming someone different, when in fact the only thing that is standing in the way of me recreating myself is the way that I am thinking and feeling about myself due to those memories. And so the common sense point would be to address them individually in time but in the mean time to stop the mind attached judgements of myself within those memories.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see this experience as a flag-point opportunity to see what still exists within me as guilt and shame in relation to my past.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to live in such a way that is beneficial to my life with walking this process back to life and allowing myself to smoothly transition from a state of disorganization within my world to one of order, direction and commitment to myself in self honesty.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see the consequences that ignoring the response-ability that I have within my world and that these will play out whether or not I feel like it or not and that the experience that I have are within a systematic format where one plus one equals two.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to stand within this world as it is current and accept all points as myself to form a starting point of understanding, so I can see where I need to place myself in this world to become the most effective to bring a world that is best for all.

 

I will continue with SC statements tomorrow.

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