So I received a comment on the last post which was really cool and opened up a new dimension within this point of being on the fringe where within this idea that I have created what I really am doing is again to some degree I have been placing a over emphasis on the importance of viewing myself within a group of some kind. Its interesting to note how the mentality flips from not wanting to be around or interact with anyone to desiring to be within a group. Again another example within my life of desire and lack. So the point was made to instead look at who am I as me within and without a group setting. Am I a person that can stand absolute and stand without compromising myself in any situation. That this is really the focal point and not the point of changing myself to fit into a group or be accepted within the group.
It’s really cool to be made aware of this point as it’s like one of those Ahaa moments that makes total sense, like a piece falling into place that was missing before.
So with that, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to base my self change and self realizations on a desire of wanting to fit into the group and not standing within myself a point of first changing me for me within the principles of equality and oneness.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that within this point changing myself for me to become and stand up for life as equality and oneness, I will remain the same within any group.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to continuously place a point of comparison with myself to others within Desteni as I have seen this to be the standard of what it takes to be accepted within Desteni, and obviously missing the whole point of what is being offered at Desteni with no judgement.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to miss out on really getting to know me because I am to fixated on what other beings are seeing me as, and wanting to be more involved instead of just investigating myself and letting that come through in my writing.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear on some level of making mistakes that will get me expulsed from the within Desteni, while not realizing that Desteni does not really exist within and as a group that is forcing one to change but rather offering the opportunity to SELF-realize through practical examples.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear making mistakes within myself which is really the ultimate reason for this desire for acceptance within a group is because I am fearful of failing myself. And within this fear I look to avoid and abdicate that unto a group standard that I must live up to.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to never see how this point has always been my experience with others where I have always been shortchanging me in relation to other and putting myself in a in-fear-you-are position.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself always believe that I will not be able to live up to the others around me so I give in and give up on me all the time and actually intensifying how this system itself occurred within me in the first place.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself this system to continuously snowball out of control within my life to the point where I do not enjoy myself within the company of other beings that the greatest level of comfort for me has become aloneness.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see how this aloneness is not actually a self supportive example of aloneness but actually a mechanism to hide and avoid fearful situations that I do not wish to confront.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize how I can and should be able to remain stable as a constant expression of me within any situation that I find myself in, and that any sort of reactions is a indication that I am having some mind attachments within the experience.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ever really just be here in the physical moment without judgement stepping in and becoming the directive principal of me rather then standing here as the moment as life.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to skip out on my responsibility to myself in investigating and continuously growing within my ability to see me in self honest application of my day to day interactions.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not take myself seriously where I never actually have given myself the opportunity to explore what equality and oneness really means and that I have never really had the faith of self to push through in determination and have instead been leaning on the groups strength to guide me rather then find my own strength to walk myself free from me.
Ok gonna stop there for tonight.