So something I see that I missing within all of this concerning this point is the greater effect of me accepting and allowing myself to represent and align my with in this system.
So I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to disregard the point that by me living within and accepting this point of desiring me to just give in and give up on me wanting to take responsibility for me in each moment by wanting to escape within drugs and addiction is that I am really saying ok to abuse within this world through the greater reach of drugs and addiction in this world.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that not taking responsibility within me for my own points of addictions that I am supporting addictions within the world systems which within drugs represents, pain, violence, murder, rape, separation at large.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see how this is the consequence of not taking myself seriously in taking on the mind in points of addiction within my experience here.
And thus when and as I see myself standing as a desire to appease my mind systems of self dishonesty and mistrust of myself as life I stop myself and breathe and bring myself back here and realize that this is really a way for me to just feel good about me without having to actually stepping up to the plate of really understanding me.
When and as I see myself wanting to escape within lalaland as a direct way to cope with self judgement I stop myself and breathe and realize that the only way for me to really get to a place of stability and trust within me is to be here and not try to run away from me.
When and as I see myself placing a value judgement upon myself within how I view my experience as being more or less dependent on if I am experience myself within feelings of good or bad, I stop myself and breathe and remember that self judgement is really a particular way that the mind moves to create fuel for its own existence and commit myself to understanding that what is here is real and that cannot be experience within a experiential starting point of being good/bad, more/less.
I commit myself to see how the use of weed has always been about filling in the moment with a desire to feel more then the previous moment, proving that the moments have always been a point of existing within a mind interpretations of the physical reality around me and do not in fact reflect what is real, and has always been a projection.
When and as I see myself living within a mind projection and in that desiring to make that moment better, I stop myself and breathe and realize that outside of the point of life existing here as breathe there is no better and that remaining here is the real point of expression of life that I am capable of living, and so I commit myself to feel ease within the moments that I live instead of constantly trying to manufacture a better moment.
When and as I see myself not seeing the ramification of going off into pre-programmed experience of myself looking to make the present a stepping stone to a better future I stop myself and realize that by doing this I am actually disempowering myself to live as myself as this moment, and so I commit myself to live here as the moment so I am capable to know what is real and what is mind through direct experience of myself here.
When and as I see myself slumping within myself because of external stimulus like the behaviour of other people and other groups I stop myself and breathe a remind myself that defining myself through others behaviour is a way of not paying homage to the only point of control within my world which is me. And so I commit myself to the only real way to ensure that I am taking real self responsibility, which is by standing alone and realizing my own set of principles of what is best for all instead of taking the position that what others are doing must reflect what I am willing to do within my own life.
I commit myself to see how the equation of equally and oneness with life is the only real measure that can be made to insure that I a living a life path that will have the best possible outcome for all life.
When and as I see myself just saying fuck it to life where I do not actually even want to look there because I just want to do what I want to do I stop myself and breathe and realize that free will from the perspective of having no consequence is impossible and that there will always be a consequence, the difference is do I want that consequence to reflect what is best for all or only what is best for my self interest.
I commit myself to live as and within the understanding that living in such a way that is best for me is actually what is best for all when considering the entire group within every decision that I make.
I commit myself to see disregarding any kind of understanding of what the consequence of not living as what is best for all is only in fact harming myself as the expression of all life.
When and as I see myself living within a point of depression as the primary reason for wanting to use drugs I stop myself and breathe, realizing the depression is actually a manifestation of me not wanting to stand as life, and so I commit myself to the realization that this is a cyclical experience where I would use drugs to bury a bad feeling which actually is only a momentary solution which only intensifies the depression because I have not in any way addressed the real root of the of feeling inadequate and worthless as a contributor.
I commit myself to find the strength to will myself out of a self inflicted depression state and stand up once and for all realizing that I do have a voice, and that I can contribute through my own process of deconstructions of the systems of separateness within me.
When and I see myself verifying the separateness systems within me through a unwillingness to just remain here I stop myself and just breathe remembering that the mind will do anything to keep me from realizing me in the moment.
I commit myself to bring myself back to the realization of till here no further that I am able to really come to and get the point of breathing in each moment where I am become comfortable within me here.
I commit myself to the point of comfort of creating me here in each moment so I do no longer stand within the feeling to escape from myself here and that this is the real way to change myself into what is best for me and subsequently what is best for all.
When and as I see myself holding myself within a skewed vision of what is normality within a opinion of what is normal happiness to be feeling and not seeing how this is really a trick of the mind to place myself in a never ending judgment of myself as less then I stop myself and breathe and realize that the idea of happiness is only another mind fuck that holds me in a place of always trying to achieve something that is out there somewhere and never here in this present moment.
I commit myself to see that the only thing that is real is what is here physically within this moment of myself experiencing me.
I commit myself to understand the being here is the only real way to really “get” a solid standing in my life and that anything else is really only a way to distract and deter me from ever really find out who I am as life.
I commit myself to see that remaining here is the only actual way to become the best and absolute expression of myself as life here.
I commit myself to live as the real expression of myself by learning about me in a moment to moment basis and bringing myself back always to a point of breathe through this journey back to life one moment at a time.
I commit myself to realize that a failure to do so will ALWAYS result in a consequence that will cause harm in this world and supports abuse to myself and the greater group as all beings as life.
I commit myself to stop accepting and allowing the abuse to go unchecked within me and to become a being who is determined to live within the principles of equality and oneness always.