178. Accepting energy as the starting point. (Why? part three)

 

Looking at myself I can see that this whole thing really has to do with the starting point of who I am within this process. And looking at the process this is really about what relationship do I hold in regards to energy, as well as why I have these relationships to energy. As mentioned before I have yet to accept me as the whole version of myself where I am able to see the entirety of who and what I have accepted and allowed within my life, so it seems that self forgiveness is the only way to go about that with any sort of direction.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize to the extent in which I have accepting energy as my god, wherein all of my relationship and interactions with the external world are all based within a energetic relationship of self.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not recognize the signature of this in everything that I do, where subtly I based all my decisions on feelings and emotion which is movements of energy within my ego.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize how bought into the energetic model that I have become and from here give more power to the ego through the use and participation in energy within me.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing me to accept me as the entirety of who I have become up until now.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be soft with myself from the perspective that I place so much shame, fear, and guilt within me from what I have done/accepted throughout my life that I just do not want to face me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see the point that all of these want/don’t wants are actually have a energetic signature as emotions and feelings and that this is actually what is directing me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to miss the point of just letting go of what still must be done ahead and instead just being here with myself breathing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not yet fully understand and accept the idea that I am just a mind at this stage, I am the mind and there is no amount of forgiveness that will change that in this moment presently yet…

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that in time and with some effort I can start to walk with myself an work with myself in what is best for me as what is best for all in this deconstruction of my mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see how this will be extremely difficult in all respects and that accepting the challenge of what I have become is huge, and will most likely be the most difficult thing that I will ever take on in life because I am actually taking on myself at every point.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see the point that to begin to see clarity within my process I really need to understand the starting point of where I am and why am I doing this, this will take some time and effort to get to this understanding, but I commit myself to see it through even if it takes more time then what my mind tells me it should be taking, I commit myself to continue walking in self honesty.

Ok I will write out some more once I get home today.

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