184. More on 182.

 

When and as I see myself blaming the way that I was raised as to why I cannot take on my mind, I stop and breathe and realize that while yes the way that I was raised and how I grew up through time has shaped the way that I am experiencing myself at this point in my life, this has nothing to do with how I direct myself here.

I commit myself to realize that the past cannot be undone it is the relationship that I have with the past that can be changed.

I commit myself to realize that I am do not have to let the way I was raised or the past events that I went through rule over me with free reign, instead I can investigate the events when I notice that something that is linked to an event comes up so I am able to see how I am still holding on to the past.

I commit myself to stop the blame that I hold my parents in for the much confusion and hardships that it led to a realization that there is nothing that can be done about that and instead realize what I can do about that here, which is to never let the blame influence the way that I express myself to them or others because of those events anymore.

I commit myself to see how wanting to blame my past and those events are really just an excuse to relive the emotions and feelings of those times, as like a validation point to constantly live within depression.

I commit myself to realize that throughout my whole life I have essentially become addicted to sadness, where I have accumulated a preference for the melancholy.

When and as I see myself wanting to be sad, depressed, or welcoming those emotions and looking to intensify them I stop myself and breathe and realize that I am trying to turn up the drama in my own life so as to justify not facing myself here.

I commit myself to realize the wool that I have pulled over my eyes where I have created a subtle belief system that I will never be able to escape my mind and that I will be sad forever, and thinking that is cool and beautiful to be sad or more humanistic actually.

I commit myself to change this scenario to one where I walk with myself in self-confidence in the realization the these experiences are actually only occurring within my mind as belief systems and opinions, and that this really has nothing to do with me being here, breathing. And that if I look self honestly these only are reflections of the past experiences that I grew up with and have come to accept as who I am through time.

I commit myself to stop the sadness as a way to keep me from realizing myself as breath here in this present moment.

I commit myself to the realization that this addiction is a way for me to just cover up the response-ability that I am capable of gifting to myself as being here as breathe.

I commit myself to accept that these previous experiences have always been within the mind consciousness system and that this is in fact living of the physical in which is depleting me over time, draining me of my essence as the actual life force of equality and oneness as the physical realm.

I commit myself to see how my actions are directly related to my emotional state and the when I refuse to look at/investigate/change myself that there is a spill over effect/consequence that occurs which will inevitably cause the depletion of the physical world around me through time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see how this point of depletion seems like it is not relevant because I cannot see it as it moves gradually through time/move in other parts of the world or countries.

When and as I see myself participating in moments of just doing what I want in disregard of the consequence I stop myself and breathe and realize that no matter how small the point of separation that there will always be a consequence that comes up, whether it is within my individual experience of myself or within the greater community of life here when I act in disregard of life there will be a depletion.

I commit myself to stop the depletion of the physical through the investigation of my mind, and the deconstruction of my mind, so as to stand finally one and equal with what is here, life as the physical world.

I commit myself to bring about a world that is best for all through stopping my participation in my own thought realm which is based only in the friction and stimulation of energy.

I commit myself to stop the preoccupation of self with in my world as distraction from/as fulfilling the need to fight a deep-set depression that I have carried around for many years. And instead see the practically that is obvious within the bringing myself back here.

I commit myself to breathe through the temptation to hold myself in a paralysis of fear of the failure that is the root of the sadness/depression.

I commit myself to realize that failures are inevitable and unavoidable but to stop succumbing to the fear of them and instead see them as the opportunities that they are to learn about myself and improve on the next time/point so the failures become less and further apart until I come to a point of perfection of self-expression where I am perfect from the point of view that I can walk with complete integrity of self honesty and self directive ability.

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