190. Self forgiveness for 189.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react within myself when presented with this paper with depression.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to let myself take the piece of paper personally and from there let myself slide down within myself because I believed that the paper was actually only directed towards me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to this paper secondarily with anger and that I am not to blame for what was written.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to then go into a systematic experience of blame where I tried to figure out how my boss could have found out about all these things, and from there really only blaming my co-worker.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to assume that information about me was shared with my boss by my co-worker to further their position at the shelter.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to stop the level of trust that I have with this person because in my mind she had betrayed me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel like the whole thing was like having my work life turned upside down because I was really being questioned in the way that I conduct myself there.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become overly relaxed at my work to the point where I am not really treating it as a job anymore and just instead choose to do what I like to some extent.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to only see the necessary parts of the job as being important and from there let much of what could be done on the wayside.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to really only see this job as something social where I interact with others and only really take that point as being the main focus of the job instead of taking all points within it as being important and worthy of attention.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not take pride within how I conduct myself within my work ethic, not recognizing that this is actually a reflection of me as a being.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to convince myself that being late is ok, and not really taking the personal sense of pride to show up to work on time every day.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not make the effort to really even try to work harder so I do not have to stay late to finish up the job.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become so critical that staying late is something that I feel much be given back to me in some way which is generally with being allowed to come late.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become critical about one thing like staying late and yet to become overly uncritical about other things like getting there on time, using my phone etc.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that this job is not a normal job and that the rules and ethic that I place on this job needs not be the same when my boss is not around.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to prove to myself that I cannot really trust myself to work within a set of rules laid down by my boss when I am alone or not in the presence of a authority figure.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not in actuality become and walk within my workplace my own sense of authority and integrity.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing my own prejudices about authority influence the way that I react to people in my life who are my boss in a workplace as has been with any other of my jobs through-out my life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to always be looking for the least strenuous work experience at work where I really only put in effort sometimes when its needed, but otherwise do not if I am not challenged.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to challenge myself in the workplace to remain present within myself and how I move myself within that workplace.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing my own personal judgments and expectations about how the system should operate take me over within how this system operate and from there allow myself to lost respect for the job.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to view the shelter and the conduct at the shelter as minimal in terms of support for people staying and living there and in turn come to the conclusion that I cannot do anything about that and just give only minimal support from myself through doing only what is barely required and more specifically wasting time while I am there.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing anger to exist within me when I am face with authority figures that I judge as having no clue what is really going on and who use charm and coercion to get things done their way.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not seeing that this is precisely what I have resorted to to get things done when it comes to these authority figures where I routinely play myself down to seem less intimidating within my example, and just standing within the belief that they just will not be able to understand me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to over time allow this to manifest within my work ethic as laziness and carelessness in regards of how I do the job, and not realizing that in time it will result in consequence.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to stop caring so much about how I conduct myself at this job because I have decide to move on to another one and within that I tell myself that it does not really matter what or how I do things at this job.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see the importance of learning and maintaining a work ethic that is effective through out the entirety of my time working somewhere and that this all really boils down to a base point of how I view me as a expression of myself.

Thanks, I will continue with the self corrective statements later.

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