191. Sc for 189.

So something that has made itself apparent through the experience of the last few days is really there is a inherent struggle that I have accepted and allowed myself to be defined by which do not want to give up authority within my world/life, I am afraid to submit to anyone else’s word. The funny thing is that within this realization I really have not even looked at my own lack of action, lack of direction in my world and realize that this fear is just a irrational one that can be remedied with just some simple common sense. By taking up the responsibility once again within myself to do what I realize to be best for all in each moment then I am taking up my own will to become my own author in my world and that when confronted with something that would previously cause me to react, I can look past my own prejudice and use common sense to decide what is best in that moment.
So when and as I see myself reacting in anger at another for being called out on things that I have been accepting and allowing myself to do at work I stop myself and breathe and realize that these things are not anything to do with the other being/s but actually is the consequence of not performing the job to the specifications.

I commit myself to see how my own anger and frustration in this is really my own fear and shame at being caught doing something that I am not supposed to like in childhood when I was being called out on not doing my homework.

I commit myself to see that the pattern is of behavior is the same now as it was then where I am replying the same experiences emotionally.

I commit myself to change these reactions and to learn from them.

When and as I see myself becoming suspicious of my co-worker as the one who told me out to our boss I stop myself and realize once and for all that this really has to do with how I conduct myself within my own life and nothing really to do with how my co-workers are living there own life.

I commit myself stop the focus that I am placing on what other people are doing or saying about me in the workplace and redefine who I am and what I am here to do, realizing that this act of resistance or friction is really pointless and that doing what is require of the job rather then what I think is appropriate according to my own sets of values and ideologies.

I commit myself to follow the rules of the workplace so as to be able to continue within this job and see that this is the common sense point, and that searching and fighting for some right to be right is really irrelevant here, as that point is something to become self honest about within myself.

When and as I see myself judging another because I feel as if I am being criticised I stop and breathe and realize that I do not have to take this personally and that I can just breathe, hear the words and use common sense to direct myself within that situation.

I commit myself to be able to see when I am reluctant to take a piece of advice/order as something personal and be able to differentiate between a common sense solution to a issue and when I am just acting within a reactive starting point.

I commit myself to stop the reactions that I have to co-workers talking to me in such a way that I would normally take personally.

I commit myself to realize that the point of creating friction and conflict is really born out of the reactions that I am having within me so the best way to proceed in what is best for all is to stop the reactions within me, not take the things being said personally and learn to direct myself according to the prescribed rules of the workplace.

When and as I see myself comparing myself to other beings at my workplace like making my behaviour not as bad as another and placing myself in a higher value point then the other being I stop myself and breathe and realize that this is not real and is only occurring in thought in a point of self interest and self preservation in which I am placing myself on a ladder of value at work and from there gauging how hard and what I must do at work to maintain this point of superiority in value over the other being.

So I commit myself to stop comparing myself to the other being and instead focus on getting the job done to the specifications that have been laid out for me before and stop worrying about who is favored more by my boss.

I commit myself to realize that this comparison of value is only ever occurring in my mind and that this has nothing really to do with anything other then making excuses for myself, so I commit myself to stop making excuses and instead to walk through in and as the solutions.

When and as I see myself slacking within myself at work because I stand within this belief that I am leaving this job soon anyways so why bother, I stop myself and breathe and realize that I am really just making a excuse to not stand up within myself in entirety.

I commit myself to realize the full potential of myself in each moment within what I do, and to stop making these definitions in what I can slack myself into using excuses and justifications for why that is ok.

I commit myself to work to the full potential of what I can do to the last day that I work at this job.

Ok I will continue some more later as this I need to go to work now.

Alright back, haha.

So when and as I see myself having a difficult time with authority within the workplace where I see myself disagreeing with the being or thinking that I am right/justified I stop myself and breathe and realize that this is really just because I do not like to submit to anyone else.

I commit myself to stop the value judgement of myself where I feel threated within my personal self view when I am told what to do by another being.

I commit myself to realize that if that being is indeed my boss or supervisor then I must differ to their decision of face the consequences which more often then not leads to a loss of job in most cases.

I commit myself to realize that by making a choice to walk my bosses rules with integrity I am really allowing myself to become my own author in letting myself understand the point of being humble and walking a line where I am not always in control of how things are being run.

I commit myself to not become upset about not being in control and realize that control really is a illusion that everyone is lusting for when really we are only in control of the choices we make here in this breathe.

I commit myself to see that if something comes up where I do not agree with something that is being place on me where the safety of myself or others is a issue then it is really a point of speaking up and not just accepting and allowing my bosses to run the kitchen in a way that is unsafe. So learning to differentiate the difference between when a situation is in fact a relevant issue within my workplace to take control in or when it is just the mind patterns within me when I become a subject of my past experiences with authority figures in my life.

I commit myself to see that this job really has no real relevance within the grand scheme of how the world is playing out and in such does not really matter so much about giving my time and control over since it is not so critical to the way that world will find it’s way.

I commit myself to instead focus my effort and control of myself within my expression to the things that in my life will make the most impact within my world and place me into a eventual place with the greatest influence, only through walking my process within self honesty and self realization, and in stopping my mind will I ever become clear and free enough to stand as a example in all moments of breathe.
Ok I will touch on this again if I find that I am missing a point, or any other reactions come up at work.


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