195. Money as desires part 2.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that material temporary things will bring me permanent and fulfilling happiness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to never question the foundation of what happiness actually is within me and question if that is something that is even real.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that happiness is something that I can experience for myself through the aquisition of things within my scope of desire through getting money and for believing that this is a actual acceptable way to go about my life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize the equation that this represents multiplied by a factor of humanity equals to capitalism, materialism, and the depletion of the planet as a whole, and that even my “tiny” contribution is still a factor within that.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see the ability within myself to stop these systems within my own world and make a change within me to not allow myself to be ruled by my desires to the point where it takes me out of the here moment and into my mind.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to understand that something that I would enjoy doing is not something that I need to throw out of the realm of what may become possible within my world but to recognize when and where these points start to influence how I am experiencing myself and how I am judging others in my daily life.

So when and as I see myself not present because I find myself dreaming about something that I desire to own or do sometime in the future with money, I stop, I breathe and understand that this desire really is representing and appealing to the nature within me that says that I am not enough in that moment, that I need more, and that I am less then myself as who I really am.

I commit myself to realize that I am not these desires, and rememeber myself as the breathe in each moment, realizing that the desire is actually a point of lack and self judgement which is does not actually exist outside of my own mind, and what is real is the physical world around me.

I commit myself to stop the relationship to desires in which I believe that I must achieve or obtain certain things within my world because I think that I am supposed to do or have those things and that I will not be “me” without them, and commit myself to see how I am always ME as breathe in each moment the difference is seeing that and living it.

When and as I see anxiety beginning to well up within because of this idea of lack within me due to a fear of not fufilling this line of desire, I stop and breathe and see how this is really like a drug addiction in itself because the systematic way that it has always worked is within the equation of; money=thing=feeling good.

I commit myself to realize that the actual equation of desire is to fufill a chemical release within me, to flood my brain with the reward drug of dopamine, everytime I set and place something within me as something that I want/desire/need to achieve, I am irrationally placing in one of these points of a reward system effectively placing a carrot in front of myself.
Funny thing is that I am the one placing in my own carrots to chase.

I commit myself to stop wasting my time chasing carrots of my own placement, and creating this crazy self centered experience of myself, and instead realize that in doing such I am actual never really achieving anything of substance and am really only fufilling that drug addiction within my own mind.

I commit myself to realize the difference of what makes a action real, and what makes things within my world worth persuing, which would be a outcome in which everything/one benefits and not just myself and my bubble.

When and as I see myself becoming depressed because I think about the things that I WANT to do/have and cannot/do not have the means, I stop myself and breathe, and realize that this is really just another self judgement, a point where I tell myself that I am not worth much because I cannot acheive/bring this point into my world.

I commit myself to stand firm within myself and not accept or allow myself to judge where I am within my journey and process, realizing that in doing such I will never have the need to judge myself in such ways because I am here.

I commit myself to realize that the here moment is not dependent on materialism, but rather the recognizing the common sense things that are required within the physical existance, like food, water, shelter, and breathe. And commit myself to appreciate the ability to have those things within my world as some around the world have not be able to gain access to even those basics.

I commit myself to see how this attitude of being depressed or anxious about not getting what I want is really a indication of selfishness and lack of compassion for other, where I am not willing to give/dedicate my life to ensuring that all basics are provided for all equally around the planet and that life itself is protected in all ways and allowed to florish.

I commit myself to stop the system of greed and self interest within me and commit myself to a life of equality, with the understanding that we are all one.

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