I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel like I need to catch up when I compare myself to others within this world financially.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that in comparison I should be somewhere else within my life by now and feel like I am behind in terms of stabilizing myself financially
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel worthless because I do not have a lot of money to support myself and my secret desires.
I forgive myself to buy into the belief that money will actually provide me with happiness despite what has constantly been said that money cannot buy happiness within society, while obviously the lack of money can cause many problems like starvation, malnutrition, disease, a low standard of living, no support, no leisure. So while buying into the point that money will make me happy because I am getting the things I want, I have not realize how this happiness is actually a illusion created within a chemical reward system.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to only base myself worth/progress within as/on a money scale, where I am ok if I have extra money to spend, and anxious if I am in debt.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to never really look beyond the point of comparison to see how to really become effective and realistic with my relationship to money where I decide what I need to do to support myself and do that without any emotional interference.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be subject to/influenced by the system in such a way in which I fail within myself to take responsibility for my own action and how I choose to conduct myself on a daily basis with money.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize the relationship that I have towards money is really a system of superior and inferior view of myself towards other within my world and within society.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see how this point of comparison is not really doing anything within my life to actually make any sort of change within myself in terms of becoming more effective at living.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place blame on my relationship to money on my parents and how I was raised with varied degrees of belief and attitudes towards money and how to support oneself with money.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing those belief to become my own to some extent and forget my initial point of none compliance with the use of money as a manipulative tool.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize how money became a tool of comparison and self manipulation for/towards myself when I saw the way that my parents used money aggressively towards each other.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize how part of my current relationship to money and feeling like I need to catch up relates directly towards my father and how at my age my father was making much more money had more things, etc. Directly comparing myself to my father and in terms of fiscal terms have always been inferior to him.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself on the flip side to resent my Mother because I believe/see her as not having any ability to make money for herself or make smart decisions with money, and within that viewing myself as being superior as her when it comes to money.
ok I will continue in the morning as its getting late.
Alright so continuing.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing that the anxiety of falling behind is directly linked within a fear of ending up without, to become one of those that does not have and is even more in a struggle then I am now.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see how I am so fearful of becoming dependent on hand outs because of the conflicting situations of my parents where one is reliant on the system completely and the other has completely driven the idea that one must always work and provide.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to miss the fundamental premise of what it means to live as one and equal within this world and what the economic reality is.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize or see the basis of how and what I can do within my world personally because I am to busy standing fearful of lack, and not seeing how this fearfulness has paralyzed me within my ability to be creative, my ability to want to be creative even.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to forget what I am doing this for constantly and consistently, which is to actually bring about a world that is best for all where none need to be in a position of lack ever and will be supported fully so the rights to life is in fact brought to bear and all can express themselves as the creative beings that we are.
Sooo, when and as I see myself becoming anxious about not being where I see that I am supposed to be in terms of my money and my financial placement in this world, I stop myself and breathe and realize that this is a comparison of myself to others made within my own mind that is comprised of many different factors of belief and emotional desires.
I commit myself to stop the anxiousness.
I commit myself to become aware of myself in those moments when I find myself thinking things like I wish I had more money, or looking at others and becoming envious of what others have and hold myself in a inferior position to those others.
I commit myself to stop the comparisons that are made towards all other beings that I come into contact with and judge for the use of there money in this world where I will look at what a being is doing with his/her money and make a direct value judgement of if this being is good or bad based not on anything that is really relevant but a belief system within myself.
I commit myself to realize that I am playing out scenarios of judgement towards others that I myself have not stood one and equal to within myself, and thus have these characterizations of other beings about how they choose to live their lives currently.
I commit myself to stop the investment of attention that I place on others within my world from the perspective that I am more concerned with how others around me are living their lives that how I am living mine which really when it comes down to it is the only real measure of worth that I can really control and dictate.
When and as I see myself living within the belief that I must be a particular way within myself to be “OKAY”, and that this way is to have extra money, I stop myself and breathe, and realize that the money itself is a representation of how I am conducting myself in practical ways, a indication of whether or not I am living practically within my means of the moment.
And thus I commit myself to stop the self judgement that is associated with not having money, resenting doing what is necessary to support myself within my world currently which is working to bring in a income.
I commit myself for not accepting that this will reflect how and to what degree I am willing to place myself in a position of self directive movement within my life. To what degree and I willing to work towards stabilizing myself in a financial way practically and what amount of attention am I willing to give to this.
I commit myself to stop the anxiety so I can fully express myself in creative ways to do things within my world that will actually reflect what I see as something that I enjoy doing instead of being a reflection of lack and fear of not having enough.
I commit myself to realize that the fear of lack is the same really as greed where the more I accumulate will only increase the thirst for more so in essence part of the fear that I have about becoming wealthy within myself is the mistrust and the uncertainties that I have about myself at a fundamental level, I know that I cannot be trusted with money at this point because I have not taken the steps within myself to show to myself that I can trust myself with my money.
I commit myself to actually form and practice a practical physical plan of my relationship with money in a daily basis where I look at what my expenses are, what my incomes are, where I could improve these things to make sure that all things are supported within my world, and that I am not just living within an emotionally based desire/reward system.
I commit myself to see how the fear of making more money is actually present because I do not know how I would apply myself, I am fearful of more responsibilities and have actually carried this over in and towards resentment of other being that have money within my world and within society at large where I look and compare myself as never really being the kind of person that could live up to or take on those types of things necessary to amass large sums of money.
I commit myself to remember that the only real reason to do this would be to bring about a world that is best for all, any other reason essentially is based within a fear mentality of scarcity and lack and as such within the current restrictions of myself and my lifeline will only serve to restrict me even more through denying the expression of myself creatively and motivationally from the perspective of doing what is needed of myself without question to create a world where all are supported equally without exception, a world truly best for all.
I will finish up this topic in the next post.