204. Some Sc for 203.

Ok so when and as I see myself only living within a predetermined, preprogrammed state where I accepting and allowing myself to not step up to the plate within my world and push myself through the resistances that I have created for myself I stop myself and breathe and remember that this process is about being here in each breathe.

I commit myself to walk through my programming so I am able to effectively find out who I am for real as myself as life.

When and as I see myself constantly looking for the next piece of material, media, distraction, addiction, etc, to take me away from what I have committed myself to do I stop and breathe, realizing that this is the trap that I have set out for myself within my world where I avoid any attempt to actually face myself in a consistent, and committed way.

I commit myself to see how I have programmed myself and see the patterns that I have been so conditioned by within my own mind, and stop them as the come up.

I commit myself to stop worrying about having fun and being “happy”, understanding that there is always time to enjoy ones self, yet there is only so much time to implement solutions within this world, and this requires one to become effective within this world. And that real happiness is only real when it can be something sustained in which all can partake in and not as I have fool myself into believing and short term emotional experience of energetics.

I commit myself to stop believing in the energy of happiness and allowing and accepting this to direct me to not take myself on.

When and as I see myself falling into the trap of a motivation that is based within energy where I view this process that must be “attacked” somewhat where I am looking at it from this “this is so difficult” perspective and instead just imagining, and desiring myself to be finish I stop myself and breathe and realize that within this the point that opens up is that I am doing this because I am judging myself negatively towards what I have done, or how long I actually have to go left and stand apart from the actuality of the process.

I commit myself to see how I have opted out of the process by always choosing the easy way out, and never have really stood up to myself in this regard.

I commit myself to start walking from a point of doing this because I would like to understand me, from where I would like to get to know why I have gotten to this place within my world what I would like to change about me where I see I am preventing myself from being here.

When and as I see myself looking only for things in my life that will stimulate me energetically as things that have value within my world, instead of actually facing up to the fact that these things are really only distractions to keep me from seeing myself as breathe, I stop myself and breathe.

I commit myself to breathe in these moments and ask myself what is really real and standing up in these moments to find out if what I am doing is really beneficial to me in helping me discover myself as the actuality of myself here, or if I am just looking to continue living a life that is only about stimulation and feeling good in the particular moment.

I commit myself to see that this desire to feel good in that moment is really the root of the resistances that I face in standing, and that the emotional response has effectively become my internal guidance systems where I am faced with the choice of doing something the easy way, or doing it the responsible way which I would choose the way that would benefit all by acting in such a way that makes me the directive principle in my world.

I when and as I see myself becoming bent on the point of only writing from within the point of doing it as something that I view as being a good boy/being and from there am just looking for that feel good experience again within me, I stop and breathe and see how that within this I am not here within my writing but am only doing so to create another experience rather the a standing.

I commit myself to stand without the requirement to fill a label judgement of myself as playing out the “good” role and to realize that in doing such I will always have a judgement of myself as “bad” when I do not do something and place myself in a inferior position within me own eyes when I fail in this condition.

I commit myself to continue pushing through this illusion no matter how many times I fall on this point to prove to myself that eventually I will walk through it and that eventually I will come to a understanding of myself as being here, evening if it does not take place in a timeframe that I have prejudged to myself as acceptable.

I commit myself to see how this process will take time and that the real point here is to form a more consistent expression through pushing through the resistances that I have set myself up within.

When and as within my writing I notice that I am not being clear within myself on the initial point of why I am writing I stop myself and breathe and bring myself back here realizing that the initial principle of equality and oneness with myself as life here is the intial point to consider within everything that I do and that this is where the basis of what I write should take place.

I commit myself to continuously remind myself of why I am walking this process to not confuse it with a point of having to complete the process or to get somewhere, but rather a continuous self movement in gifting myself back to life, and is something that cannot be predetermined in what should be or in any length of time.

When and as I see myself forming all sorts of negative experiences around the effort that is require to walk my process I stop and breathe and remember that the effort and resistance to walking it is mainly due to the emotional attachments that I have made with the word and definition of effort that I have given it through time.

I commit myself to remove the reactions and the negative attachments that I have placed within my view of making effort and the actually work itself.

I commit myself in seeing how placing effort into something does not automatically translate into “bad” but that is actually only something that I made up in my mind to prevent me from ever escaping my ego by deterring me from really making any sort of stand within myself.

When and I see myself allowing and accepting myself to view writing as a task, or point of effort only as something that must be done, I stop and breathe and realize that what I have done is really reduce the point of writing to a chore.

I commit myself to writing as form of self expression where I am gifting myself with the tool of seeing and finding out who I am really underneath the layers of deception that I have built up through my life.

I commit myself to stop viewing this as a chore because of memories that I have about not standing and about how difficult I have viewed this process in the past, and realizing that those memories really have no more power over me unless I give into them and do not follow through with the decisions that I have made by taking real practical action within my world.

I commit myself to see how the emotional responses that come with those memories are not actually needed or even useful to me now within each moment and the only reason that I think that they are is because this is how I have always done it.

I commit myself to try something new in writing within breathe, being dynamic with my realizations and not giving into something that I base on/within feelings/emotions.

When and as I stop myself from progressing simply because I am afraid that I will not get it, will not be able to work myself out, I stop myself and realize that there is no change if I do not attempt it.

I commit myself to walk myself through the fear of making mistakes for fear of looking stupid and just because I do not see or believe within my mind that I am capable of change.

I commit myself to prove to myself that I can do this by walking one step at a time and breathing one breathe after another until I am able to remain here as breathe.

I commit myself to stop scaring myself off this process because I have not been able to be successful in what I view with myself as “winning” within this process.

I commit myself to explore myself within this process despite not know exact what I am doing or where I am going within it, pushing aside the urge and desire to look smart and avoid looking like I am something other then perfect in the eyes of those around me and others walking their processes.

I commit myself to understand that this is something that is normal at this stage where I am only beginning to grasp the real nature of what I have accepted and allowed within me to exist for all this time and that it will take a equal and just as specific amount of time and effort to undo everything that stands separate from life within me.

I commit myself to enjoy this process instead of being threatened by it.



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