Alright so here I will take a look at what I can do to change this system of avoidance to one of self support.
When and as I see myself reacting to work in such a manner in which I struggle to remain consistent and stable in my approach to work, I stop myself and breathe and take a look at the real reasoning behind why I started out with this point of avarice toward work and effort which is essentially a relationship to the idea of having to or being forced to do work and put in effort.
I commit myself realize the point where my relationship to work is actually something that has been essentially only a mind based definition that I have created in which I find the idea of doing something that is not fun or am in the situation of doing something where I would rather be doing something else that stimulates me energetically is predominant.
I commit myself to see how doing things that I may not initially find feeling entertaining or stimulating are/can be in fact the very points in which I can most greatly and practically support myself in changing the relationship that I have with myself and the world around me.
When and as I see myself holding on to and having a difficult time letting go of the point of stimulation in and towards having/doing fun things/times, I stop myself and breathe and have a look at what is really driving this point which is a reluctance to let go of a time of my life where worry was less and self motivation/realization was not really a concern or point of inquiry.
I commit myself to realize that I am here and that those times in which I lived with and as childhood are in the past and that now there is a responsibility to take account for the things that have gotten me to this moment are able to be examined and questioned within myself.
I commit myself to take as much responsibility for the things that I have built up as the acceptances and allowance throughout myself inline with the personality of the supposed freedom of childhood as I can and to take apart this character so as to align myself with what is here now, through breathing and remaining present.
I commit myself to realize that my childhood has ended and no matter what I tried to do to remain within that mindset of only having fun and caring about being free are in fact vain attempts to not stand up and accept the responsibility of a being equal and one with life.
I commit myself to make this transition to a responsible life without placing myself through loops and stress as much as possible.
I commit myself to understand that the world that I am attempting to hold onto is in actually a world of limitation and is in fact not one that is best for all.
I commit myself to do everything that I can within my current understanding to make a difference in my life to bring myself back to life as a truly caring being through the self honest examination of myself in my day to day living.
When and as I see myself standing within and as a reaction of guilt toward not wanting to let go of my childhood I stop myself and breathe and remind myself that this system is really something that is quite natural to not want to release from the perspective that I am actually seek a true expression of myself through the ability to freely express myself without limitation, but not realizing the world that I was living within and current resent letting go of was actually a world view that is based totally within avoidance of the actual reality that has been built up in and through time here in the physical.
And so I commit myself to consistently remember that the world that has been allowed is really not one where all can/are be/being supported equally so the world that I want to hang onto is not in fact best for all and this continues to show that my reluctance to let go of is in reality ego based in self interest.
I commit myself to see that if I am able to stand up for life in each and ever moment and breathe then I would be able to give my voice to a place where all can become the actual expression of life forevermore and that beings to come will not have to be subjected to lives the are not supported to the upmost and live in experiences of lack and avoidance.
I commit myself to see how the reality that I want to return to is only seen in that light because it SEEMS to be a easier time, when if fact nothing is really easier physically then breathing and that the use of the mind in creating all sorts of distractions and diversions of reality actually takes much more effort from the physical body as substance which get depleted and drained with the use and activations of my mind systems.
When and as I see myself placing myself within a self judgement of being a good or bay person based within the way that I am conducting myself, I stop myself and breathe and remember that through the self judgments that I make I breed a form of self sabotage in which I am accessing the memories that have been implanted throughout my childhood by my parents and upbringing in which I have defined myself by as the personal moral code in which to limit my understanding of myself.
Instead I commit myself to understand that removing the scale of positive/neutral/negative self judgment based on how much work I am doing is actually a point of self limitation because I am placing the prime motivational factor on an point of polarity based energetic relationships within myself.
I commit myself to realize the real motivation beacon to guide myself by would be the principle of what is best for all, in which I consider what would be the best possible outcome for all life in each moment to moment decision that I make.
I commit myself to realize the despite how this sounds to me within the context of work and effort that the main point and most common point that I am required to work with/towards is being here as breathe, since within breathe the mind cannot exist, which is the primary reason why there has been so much chaos presently within my world as well as the world bubble at large.
I commit myself to take charge of the way that I conduct myself within my life in ensuring that I make the best possible decisions within the point of where I stand, realizing that is what will initially be the make place where I can place myself that is the most effective.
I commit myself to becoming the most effective that I can be within the personal placement of myself in walking my process with tact and unwavering self patience and honesty.
Ok I will continue tomorrow.