So here I am going to open up a point that has come up through an experience that I have been having at work with one of my coworkers.
So the issue is coming up where my coworker has recently become the manager position there. This particular being has a tendency to become very stressed out, demanding, and critical of/about my work. The point of defensiveness keeps coming up.
I have been cooking for a while now (15 year), yet in my workplace experiences I have not really every been in a position where I need to learn or put into practice learning of many specific dishes and the names of them. My focus in cooking has always leaned towards technique and the science behind cooking so I know a bit more in that area.
So one of the points that comes up is where my coworker will ask me about a particular dish that I am not familiar with and when I am unable to tell here specifically what that dish entails the being will shame me for it and try to make me feel like an inferior cook. This is one scenario with this particular person. But throughout the entire experiences that come up with the being I notice my reactions have been quite immediate. I become defensive within myself quickly and before I then catch myself.
I would like to explore the particular immediate, automatic reactions that come up.
Something was cleared up for me within my latest chat with my buddy today where I was talking about how there is this tendency for the other being to become really stressed out and angry towards me, controlling of the situation and argumentative, and at other times extremely kind and gentle, almost like a light switch. Basically what was made apparent was, within this experience, I am facing the many personalities and characters of the other being. Lately this I have understood to be understandable because of a death within the beings immediate family.
And although I have understood the situation I still hold judgment towards the being and react defensively internally when faced with a torrent of anger towards me.
So in the next post I will move through the definitions and the root within the internal movements I am having in response to this.