226. Why I do not want to stand. pt 2: Life is boring.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define reality to be boring.

I forgive myself for accept and allowing myself to base that definition of boring in relationship to energy and the lack of energy within myself.

I forgive my for accepting and allowing myself to believe and buy into the idea that energy is what makes life worth living through the experience that I get from it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to then translate those experiences into memories of a positive charge and then leverage those memories as the reason or factor of why I do things or as a point of motivation within myself because I desire to have those experiences again.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself thus define boredom within my life as something where I am not creating a experience that can be captured as a memory or where I am stimulating myself in such a way that I am replaying old memories.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see how to the positive aspect of memories there is always the negative, where the negative experiences control me just as much as the positive through fear and avoidance.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define boredom as a negative definition where I view particular memories as boring and then try to avoid them or cover them up by creating positive ones, watching movies or shows for example where I am covering up the tasks of working on myself which relates/links back to the boring memories of school times where I would have to do “boring” schoolwork.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see how in creating this definition for boring and what boring means to me that I have created a whole set of things within my world that are made more difficult to walk through then necessary.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see the simple solution of breathing in the moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to forgo any kind of possibility of just being here as breathe because it does not fulfill the requirements of keeping boredom at bay.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe in and base every moment within a comparison of the past experiences that I’ve had, and in doing so give up the ability in those moment to actually be here fully always living in the mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to THINK that if I am not thinking and only paying attention to breathing that I am going to miss out on some great opportunity or some great idea that I have never had, when in fact it is the opposite where I miss out on the opportunity of being here in the moment and observing what is happening around me with awareness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that walking this process is so difficult because of the fact that it requires to stop the thoughts, feelings, emotions, when in fact I have shown within myself that acting within the polarity scale is exhausting, and while the addiction to these experiences lies within the stimulation of positive feel good energy and chemicals, the effect is actually always opposite and equal where when there is a crest there is a valley, and those valley’s are draining.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see the draining of myself as substance as the physical through the participation in and as the mind instead of here as life as breathe.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see the actual value within the stability that the breathe of life provides.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see the abuse of self and the abuse of others when the the breathe of life is ignored/defined as boring, and participation of the mind as a tool for self interest is all that is paid heed to in my day to day life.

OK I will continue in the next post.

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